After months of deep-throating various meats-on-sticks and confusing serial killer clowns (John Wayne Gacy) with lady-killer movie stars (John Wayne), America’s favorite blue-eyed basket case of the Midwest Michele Bachmann officially announced she is ending her presidential campaign to honor fellow faux grrrrrl power quitter extraordinaire Sarah Palin focus on her real job, crusading against cancer vaccines and reminding people what crazy looks like. (Approximately 5’2″ with brown hair and pouty lips).
*Sigh!* Poor hubby Marcus Bachmann will never get to be First Lady, after all!
National Journal reports the heart-breaking news:
Rep. Michele Bachmann is suspending her presidential campaign, said a senior Republican official with direct knowledge of the lawmaker’s plans.
The official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said the Minnesota lawmaker, a favorite of the tea party wing of the party and a harsh critic of President Obama, realized after her sixth-place finish in Iowa’s caucuses that “there was no viable way forward.” By suspending her campaign, Bachmann is effectively dropping out.
Of course, Bachmann is already well-versed in this arena, having effectively dropped out of reality long ago.
But fear not, friends, because while Michele may be down, she’s certainly not out! As long as there are rural, racist, white folks to dupe, immigrants to scapegoat, gross gays to cure (or in her case, marry), a black man in the White House, and a country resembling the sinful 21st, not glorious 18th century, Michele Bachmann will always have a job to do!
“I look forward to the next chapter in God’s plan. He has one for each of us, you know,” she said at the press conference.
Hers, of course, includes wallowing in a loveless, sexless marriage to her husband, Marcus, who is not gay, so please stop asking, followed by what will likely be a lengthy stay in a white-washed, windowless room with padded walls.
Or, if all goes well, that other place lunatic Republican woman feel right at home: the Vice Presidential slot on the GOP ticket.
[image via Wonkette]