John McCain | Democralypse Now - The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

And The Academy Award For Best Conservative Actor Goes To…Sen. John McCain!

On this wondrous night of a thousand stars, when the most important people on the face of the Earth grudgingly agree to drape millions of designer dollars on their ears, wrists, and necks, while making their fabulous red carpet stroll to show the rest of the uglies in the world how much more beautiful, rich, [...]

Obama Takes On House Leader Who Glows & Senile Former Foes During Final Health Care Throes

Nothing makes for must-see teevee like seven straight hours of shouting, incoherent back-and-forths about wonky health care reform particulars, like how many poor, pathetic Americans the new bill in Congress could help not die, if the lovely men and women elected to represent them even remotely cared about silly statistics like preventable deaths.

But since they [...]

There’s Only One Version Of History John McCain Follows: His Own!

It ain’t easy being Gramps McCain. As if trying to turn into a bag of Earl Gray in order to defeat some insane, initial-named birther, J.D. Hayworth, isn’t hard enough, Johnny has the unfortunate task of doing it all while fighting a losing battle with dementia, and a daughter and trophy wife who simply [...]

Why Won’t Dems Just Pretend Health Care is Nintendo and Press the Reset Button?

OMG, why didn’t we think of this sooner? The Republicans’ ingenious new strategy is so brilliant in its sheer simplicity that it only needs two letters to sum it up entirely: N-O.

It’s true! Much like their old approach of lies, obstruction, and manipulation, the new, improved GOP message has evolved and refined itself over time [...]

Cindy McCain Shows Her Support For Gays, Tries To Kill Husband In The Process

Much like hubby John and sassy daughter Megs, maverick blood courses thick through Cindy McCain’s once pill-addled veins.

Sometimes, this rogue gene manifests itself on the campaign trail in the form of profanity-laced tirades directed at her dear old husband for “ruining her life” and forcing her into the smooth, chiseled, youthful arms of another with [...]

Game Change Reminds Us Anyone But Obama Would Mean Game Over For America

Guess what America?? Even though our country is broke, no one has a job, health care is on the skids, and it is getting painfully obvious that Mother Nature wants us gone for good, there’s still something to be thankful for: that those other lunatic nutballs trying to win the White House back in ‘08, [...]

Meghan McCain Can’t Understand Why Hollywood Doesn’t See War as Playful Romp Through Gum Drop Forest

Meghan McCain is very upset. And this time, it’s not even ’cause of a bad hair day or ’cause everyone is talking about her bountiful breasts which she took a picture of and posted on Twitter because she loves America that much. Nope, not even close. This time it’s even worse: Hollywood.

Meggy just doesn’t understand [...]

"Governor" Palin’s Very Important Book Tour Demands Strict Media Guidelines

Famous Alaskan floozy Sarah Palan continued her Going Rogue tour across the Lower 48, thrilling the good folks in small towns and mid-major cities with her wit, charm, and adorable maverick ways.

Next stop on Sarah’s whistlestop tour is none other than Minnesota’s world famous Mall of America, where our favorite Alaskan snowflake will delight huge [...]

Obama Puts Peace Prize to Work With New Afghan War Plan–Exit Strategy Included!

While the American people spent endless nights tossing and turning, worried that President Obama’s “dithering” on Afghanistan would not only invite a second 9/11 but the end of civilization as we know it, Obama and military advisers were working hard to craft a feasible strategy that goes beyond Bush’s brilliant approach to war: “Bring ‘em [...]

Double The Pleasure, Double The Fun, Double The Sarah!?!

Attack of the Clones!

What’s the only thing scarier than Sarah Palin? Why, its two Sarah Palins, of course!

But before you start panicking at the sheer thought of not one but two insane Alaskan mavericks Goin’ Rogue all over the Lower 48, stay calm, take a deep breath (or ten), and relax for a second, people. [...]