Democrats | Democralypse Now - The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

The Show May Be Over, But Traitor Joe's Always Open For Business (If That Business Is Screwing Over Democrats)

There is nothing, I repeat, nothing Sen. Joe Lieberman enjoys more than crushing hopes and destroying dreams. Except maybe the occasional chance to kick a whimpering, defenseless puppy down the street or really stick it to Democrats, ya know, the party he joined in 1970 and represented as a vice presidential candidate in 2000, before [...]

The Only Thing Scarier Than Mobs Of Crazed, Gun-Waving Teabaggers Are Mobs Of Polite, Hand-Waving Tea Drinkers

Unless you’ve been living under a rock (no, no, not whatever it is that’s beneath Rick Perry’s perfectly combed, thick brown coif) or have simply been too busy following Sarah Palin’s earth-shattering announcement not to continue duping dumb white people out of their hard-earned money in her ridiculous faux presidential ponzi scheme/grifter bus tour, chances [...]

Hooray! America's Downfall Is Officially Postponed As House Passes Awful Debt Deal Everyone Hates

Rejoice, my fellow Americans, the Debtpocalypsegeddon is almost over! America is back on top (of its flaming pile of unpaid bills, bounced checks, borrowed loans, crumpled receipts, IOUs, and angry post-it threats from China!) Woohoo! USA#1! USA#1! USA#1!

After weeks of alternately fucking with, psyching out, and pissing off President Obama by acting like a bunch [...]

What Do You Call A Massive Boehner Who Laughs At The Total Collapse Of Our Economy? Speaker Of The House, Of Course!

It’s Monday in America, meaning it’s a brand new week for the very mature adults in Congress to flitter about like special needs schoolchildren, while our nation teeters towards the brink of catastrophic self-induced collapse.

Hooray!?

Of course, being the mature, weeping, unnaturally orange-tinted Republican House Speaker that he is, John Boehner has naturally decided to stop [...]

Anthony Weiner (& His Weiner) Head To Rehab To Learn How To Have A Proper Sex Scandal...The Kind That Involves Actually Getting Laid

So now that Anthony Weiner and his rock hard weiner abs have been turning up every which way in the never-ending dick joke that is now his life, the once-promising, loudmouth, star New York congressman has decided to do what every other shamed (Democratic) politician does when caught doing weird, naughty things: cries [...]

Anthony Weiner's Weiner Still Works, Is Still All Over The Internet, & Is Still A Big, Throbbing Distraction

Another day, another pathetic, sadsack politician feeling the heat because he couldn’t keep it in his pants, or in this case, off Andrew Breitbart’s pervy iPhone.

And this time, the no-longer-contained-in-boxer-briefs weiner in question belongs to none other than aptly named New York congressman Anthony Weiner, who apparently managed to put his wonderful, web-cruising weiner in [...]

Don't Worry America, Congress Will Still Get Paid During Government Shutdown Over Ladies & Their Lady Parts

Just in case you were concerned about how Michele Bachmann, John Boehner, John McCain, Joe Wilson, that Nelson nutjob from Nebraska, and all the rest of the lunatic wingnuts comprising America’s esteemed 112th Congress are going to survive the Great Government Shutdown of 2011, fear not my friends! They can still get paid, and probably [...]

Another Day, Another Weeping Orange Boehner Wets Himself For No Reason

Democrats and Republicans might be on the verge of shutting down the big, bad gubmint (hooray?) due to some alleged financial dispute, but beloved members of both of our nation’s dumb political parties can at least still agree on one thing: even House Speaker John Boehner’s inappropriate, borderline hysterical booze tears won’t be enough [...]

Rahmin' It Home, Biatches! There's A New Big (Chicago Style Hot) Dog In Town

Notorious Windy City gangster Rahm “9 fingers” Emanuel easily cruised his way to winning the most freakin’ corrupt job in American politics, as the newest, latest, greatest Mayor-For-Life-Not-Named-Daley of the great city of Chicago.

Awww, hells yeah!

After a grueling race, which saw Rahm temporarily booted off the ballot before threatening to put his boot
down the appellate [...]

Tough Guy Rahm Emanuel Kicked Off Chicago Mayoral Ballot By F**king Appellate Court; Unlike Jay Cutler, Rahmbo Refuses To Go Down Without A Fight!

OMG Chicago, did you hear da awful, terrible, no-good news??

No, no, not that Bears QB Jay Cutler might have torn his MCL along with the entire state of Illinois’ heart out of its chest before pouting cold and alone on the sidelines in Sunday’s painful loss to the hated, rival Green Bay Packers.

The other no-good, [...]