Barack Obama | Democralypse Now - The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

Obama May Not Make The Ballot In Arizona Because Arizona Doesn't Need A Reason To Be The Dumb, Racist, Backwater Hellhole Everyone Is Embarrassed Of

“I See Brown People!”

Bored with their usual antics of deporting frightened Mexican and Mexican-ish looking people and denying ladies sluts access to baby murdering apparatus birth control (yawn!), the fine citizens of Aryanzona have turned their short, sun-scorched attention to another pressing matter: the true birth origins of a certain illegal Socialist, half-black, [...]

Rand Paul Doesn't Think Obama's Views On Marriage Could Get Any Gayer, Much Like His Skin Color Couldn't Get Any Blacker

If there’s one thing America simply cannot get enough of, it is the rich, racist, radical Kentucky-fried-son-of-a-wingnut whose not-so-evolved views on homosexuality and civil rights make even his ancient cryptkeeper father, Papa Ron, seem normal by comparison.

Almost.

Good thing Rand Paul will do whatever it takes, blurt whatever comes out of his big, white power [...]

Let's Do The Time Warp Again: President Obama Evolves Back To 1996, Now Supports Marriage For All (Even Gays!!)

Woohoo! Congratulations, Gays and Gayettes! President Barack Obama Glama has finally come out of the closet on his very controversial belief that gay men and women should have the same marriage rights as Kim Kardashian and that one tall goofy looking fellow on Jay-Z’s team, Kris Humptydumpty or whatever.

Thus, President Obama’s evolution back [...]

When Not Killing Republicans' Presidential Dreams, Barack Obama Kills The Crowd At The White House Correspondents Dinner

Ooooh Kim Kardashian! Jimmy Kimmel! The cast of Glee! The great Arianna Huffington (re)Post! Hillary Clinton drunk texting from Cartagena! Birth certificate jokes! Ballrooms! Bow ties! The lamestream media! The lazy, no-good, do nothing (except destroy society) Congress!

Hooray! The gang’s all here! It’s the 2012 White House Correspondents Dinner/Nerd Prom where media celebrities, political celebrities, [...]

Dick Cheney Speaks From The Heart, Now That He Finally Has One

Dick Cheney may finally have a heart, but you sure wouldn’t know it by listening to the man, the machine, the medical mutation known as former Vice President of Hell Dick Cheney.

He’s so excited about joining the rest of the human race in possessing an actual blood pumping organ made from muscle not [...]

"It Was A Dark And Stormy (Election) Night..."

Gather ‘Round Children, It’s Democrat Scary Story Time!

“When suddenly the most hideous, deformed, terrifying, socially backwards monster-in-a-sweater-vest appeared out of the abyss (of rural Pennsylvania) to STEAL THE ELECTION and terrorize the nation’s fashion sense. And no woman’s sex organ is safe from THE CLAW! AAAAAGGGHHHH!”

Where the Wild Things Are? In Rick Santorum’s [...]

Hey America, The Donald Knows What's Weird & It Isn't Whatever Died On Top Of His Head

America’s most beloved human hairpiece and billionaire cartoon character THE Donald Trump took a break from the usual destroying people’s lives and slathering Crisco on his already unnaturally orange body to assume his rightful place as the #1 undisputed authority on all things weird.

Even weirder is that his name was actually “Soetoro.” But hey, fuggedaboutit!

Cause [...]

Rick Santorum Has Intimate Knowledge Of Satan; Coincidentally, It's Also The Only Thing He's Intimate With

I’m sure by now you’ve probably heard some vague rumblings about the mysterious substance surging through the nation, oozing its frothy, God-fearing, Santorum-y essence across the vast, toxic, anal sex-ridden, pagan and homosexual wasteland that is OBAMA’S United States.

But just who is this frumpy Jesus freak in a sweater vest spreading the gooey missionary (style) [...]

Texas College Republicans May Flunk Most Things, But They Sure Get An A In Racist Twitter Poetry

Holy Twit! Another day, another University of Texas Austin College Republicans President tweets something terrible and racist about President Obama, 4 like fun ‘n stuff! Hooray!!

The wonderfully enlightened prose (for trailer trash in Amarillo) comes from the second University of Texas College Republicans President in as many months, talented poet-to-be, Cassie Wright. The first one, [...]

Obama Administration Announces Global Quest To Save Gay People; Rick Perry Denounces It In Personal Quest To Save Himself From Seeming Like A Good Person

Normal, sane folk who don’t convulse uncontrollably at the idea of actually making dare I say, progress in the treatment of fellow human beings, felt an overwhelming sense of pride as Barack Obama announced that the United States “would use all the tools of American diplomacy, including the potent enticement of foreign aid, to promote [...]