Categories

Archives

Beat It Boehner! Michelle Obama's Eyes Have No Time For Idiot Orange Men Or Their Drunken Jokes

Umm, Why Is Boehner’s Wife Snatching & Stuffing Swag Into Her Purse?

If looks could kill John Boehner would be deader than his poor, booze-soaked liver.

But what in the Inaugural Ball prompted America’s always-lovely-and-poised First Lady Michelle Obama to roll her big, sexy eyes at ol’ House Speaker John Boehner like some petulant teenager […]

Failed Family Values Republican Candidate Proves He's Still #1 At Beating His Wife

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: A wingnut Republican from some bumblef*ck place in the South is caught abortin’, fornicatin’, beatin’, lyin’ or pretty much doing the one terrible, non-Jesusy thing they are always shrieking about, other than that black feller in the White House.

Like the newest member of the fraternity of Grand Old […]

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: President Obama Tries To Call John Boehner & Mitch McConnell, But They Were Too Busy Dreaming About Killing Poor People

Jealous over all the alone time President NObama’s been spending with his new boyfriend Chris Christie, Republicans John Boehner and Mitch McConnell channeled their pain just like you’d expect from two petulant, scheming, emotionally stunted career politicians who got steamrolled by the electorate dedicated public servants deeply concerned with doing whatever is best for the […]

DEMOCRALYPSE 2012: DID OBAMA WIN THE ELECTION?? YES HE DID!

OMG, IT”S HERE!

The day we’ve all been waiting for, if only to never have to hear the words Mitt Romney or bayonets or “binders full of women” ever again. But mostly Mitt Romney.

ELECTION DAY!

So, alas, America, who will it be??

Will Mitt Romney win the hearts and minds of America by convincing them he […]

Lindsay Lohan Proves That Undecided Voters Aren't Just Idiots, They're Spoiled Drug Addicts Too

LOLZ, so true! Decisions can be so, umm, what’s the word I’m looking for again, err, oh yeah, hard. Yes, decisions can be sooo hard!

Lindsay Lohan totes gets this! She simply does not know what to do about this whole “presidential race” thing, and it is like seriously stressing her out. Like WAY more than […]

President Obama Diagnoses Mitt Romney With "Romnesia," The Mysterious Disease That Causes Him To Forget His Own Positions

Dr. Barack H. Obama, MD has seen the symptoms – the backtracking & sidestepping, the flipping & flopping, the waffling and wavering – and is ready to diagnose rival Mitt Romney with what’s been ailing him.

Looks like Mr. “Severely Conservative” has a severe case of Romnesia, a condition he’s been suffering from all […]

The Lies That Bind: Mitt Romney Loves Women So Much He Has Binders Full Of Them

U Mad Bro?

Oh Mittens! Fresh off schooling President NOBAMA in the first debate through his devastating combo of shrieking, lying, and threatening to murder Big Bird, Mitt Romney was once again locked, loaded (I don’t mean $$$), and ready to Bain Capital the shit out of Barack Obama.

Are you ready to rumble, America?

Good […]

Dick Cheney Knows Barack Obama Caused 9/11 Because Of All The Warnings George W. Bush Ignored

Tuesday was the 11-year anniversary of Rudy Giuliani’s 9/11™ and America showed the world it WILL NEVER FORGET!

Except Dick Cheney, who already forgot he was Vice President when the 9/11 attacks happened, because in the 9/11 truth commission that is his mind, he knows George W. Bush kept America safe from terror always and forever, […]

The Onion Becomes Reality: Photos From The Campaign Trail

Don’t Worry Baby, Uncle Joe’s 100% Behind You!

Via the AP: A lady biker sits on Biden’s lap today at Cruisers Diner in Seaman, Ohio.

Which wouldn’t be the first time something weird happened involving Seaman.

Not to be outdone by Joe’s impressive bicycle biker mount, President Obama got a huge lift himself. Literally.

Here’s Big Apple […]

It's All About The O: Michelle Obama Wins Election For Barack, Twitter For Herself

Oooooh yeah, that’s my girl. Look how sexy she looks in her hot rhubarb dress, talking ’bout how naturally awesome I am at this whole presidentin’ thing, letting all the ladies know why there’s only one man with the (basket)balls big enough to fill her the Oval Office, and give America what it really needs […]