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Trying 9/11 Terrorists In NY? Eh. Rudy’s Just Glad To See We’re At "War" Again

Hahahahahaha, Republicans are funny! You just never know what they’ll come up with next!

Which is what makes Attorney General Eric Holder’s opening remarks to the Senate Judiciary Committee about the administration’s decision to bring terror suspects, including 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed to trial in New York so exciting! No one knows what crazy response some GOP senator or representative may cook up while daydreaming about all the fun and awesome ways something could go terribly awry (keep your fingers crossed!).

“I’m not scared of what Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has to say at trial,” Holder said. “And no one else needs to be afraid either…I have every confidence that the nation and the world will see him for the coward that he is.”

“We need not cower in the face of this enemy. Our institutions are strong, our infrastructure is sturdy, our resolve is firm and our people are ready,” Holder said. “It is past time to finally act by bringing prosecutions.”

Holder also responded to criticism from nutballs like Liz Cheney who think, much like Obama’s bow of respect, the decision shows a “pre-9/11” mentality, and that the government doesn’t understand this is war time.

“I know we are at war,” Holder said. “Those who suggest otherwise are simply wrong.”

President Obama echoed this sentiment, saying the American people should have no concern about the capability of civilian courts to try suspected terrorists, despite what moronic lies the GOP bogeymen may say to freak everyone out (since that’s their job!).

“I think this notion that we have to be fearful that these terrorists possess some special powers that prevent us from presenting evidence against them, locking them up and exacting swift justice, I think that has been a fundamental mistake,” Obama told CNN.

However, Eric Holder’s tough words did make one Republican feel all warm and fuzzy inside. No, not his decision to try the 9/11 plotters in New York City like a normal country with a functional justice system, but his use of one special word. A word very dear to Rudy Giuliani’s heart: war.

You see Rudy knows the most important thing in the war on terror is the catch-phrase we use to describe it.

So naturally it made him very relieved to see that the Attorney General Holder had the “fortitude” to use the two awesomest words in the English dictionary, “war” and “terror,” in the same sentence.

“I was glad to see Holder say ‘we’re at war,'” Giuliani said on an RNC-sponsored call with reporters. “I had thought we had virtually stopped being at war with the terrorists.”

Which would be terribly tragic but not surprising coming from some peace-loving hippie dippie community organizer (who bows!) like Obama.

But, Giuliani is hopeful the use of the word would hearken back to a return to the delightful Bush-era “War On Terror” which Giuliani said President Obama has abandoned, both in rhetoric and actions.

“I was under the impression that the Obama administration thought this was just an unfortunate situation we’re dealing with.”

“‘War’ is important,” he said. Not to mention fun, exciting, and a great way to unwind after a rough day at the office!

But despite giving props to Holder for finally having the balls to say the precious W and T-words in a single sentence, Giuliani, like any good Republican lemming, reiterated his opposition to bringing terror trials to Manhattan, which he said would put a city already in constant danger of terror attack at greater risk, and incur “enormous expense” providing increased security around the high-profile legal proceedings.

New York “is already a primary target,” he said. “There’s no reason to add to the risk.”

Hmmm, on second thought this just may be the big risk break Rudy’s been looking for. Think of all the good the first 9/11 did for Rudes. Another 9/11, and he’s got this thing in the bag!

Can you say Rudy 2012?

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