Well, guess what America? He wants to be your next president, and as such, will head to Iowa in early October for the only reason people go to Iowa at the start of a six-month winter: to convince the Republican party’s wingnut base that they love Jesus and are ideologically deranged enough to win the Iowa Straw Poll and become the next Republican presidential nominee. Yeah!
Sort of like Mike Huckabee last year. That worked out, right?
Anyway, so crazy Rick Santorum is hoping to be like Mike and channel some sweet Iowa-love in his triumphant return to the political arena since basically getting anally raped in his 2006 Senate re-election
bid trouncing. By a Democrat, no less!
So, go Rick Santorum! It’s always a treat when everything that’s wrong with the Republican Party is rolled nicely into a single, insane candidate.
Plus, I hear Iowa has quite the soft spot for whack job conservatives who believe consenting adults have no constitutional right to privacy when it comes to sexual behavior, particularly deviant kinds like homo sex, incest, polygamy, and bestiality, all of which are exactly the same and equally abominations before the Lord.
But that’s not it! Rick also happens to be anti-evolution, anti-immigrant, anti-abortion, anti-gay and anti-anything that even remotely resembles sane, rational thought or intelligence of any kind.
To make things easier, you can just call him the Antichrist.