Never-ending nightmare, glorified nature guide and possible 2012 presidential candidate Sarah Palin went on the only fair and balanced network in all the lamestream media, Fox News, to tell its decidedly unbiased host Sean Hannity all the sensible reasons why she, Sarah Louise Palin, will not bother speaking to biased interviewers like Katie Couric or answer any of their biased, gotcha! questions like “what newspapers do you read?” because of all the bias ‘n stuff.
After all, Sarah is a journalist.
“I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism. And I have a communications degree. I studied journalism, who, what, where, when, and why of reporting,” Sarah said, trying her very hardest to remember the Five Ws she scribbled on the palm of her hand while a student at University of Hawaii at Hilo, Hawaii Pacific University, North Idaho College, Matanuska-Susitna College, University of Idaho, err, one of the five colleges she attended in six years.
“I will speak to reporters who still understand that cornerstone of our democracy, that expectation that the public has for truth to be reported. And then we get to decide our own opinion based on the facts reported to us,” Sarah added, channeling the very journalistic integrity that defined her pivotal Pulitzer prize-worthy months-long stint as a sports reporter for the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman.
“So a journalist, a reporter who is so biased and will, no doubt, spin and gin up whatever it is that I have to say to create controversy, I swear to you, I will not my waste my time with her. Or him.”
Hear that all you arugula eating librul mainstream media elites with your hoity-toity grammar rules ginnin’ up whatever it is Sarah has to say to create controversy or even an actual coherent sentence in the English language because of some crazy notion that word order and syntax are not optional.
“As for doing an interview, though, with a reporter who already has such a bias against whatever it is that I would come out and say? Why waste my time? No.”
Like say if for some reason she couldn’t answer hard-hitting, almost impossible questions like, “What’s your favorite moose recipe?” “Where’s Waldo?” or “When it comes to establishing your world view, what newspapers and magazines did you regularly read?” and the interviewer kept pressing her because maybe they had a bias against stupid Alaskan flakes (not the snow kind) seriously attempting to be vice-president.
Well, no thank you, ma’am! Besides, the only thing she reads is her own unbiased Facebook page, so take that, Katie, you smug little smarty pants with your big words, functioning brain, and more than special needs command of the English language.
Not to mention, Katie Couric’s not even on Fox, and everyone knows Jesus died for our sins so unqualified politicians plucked from the middle of nowhere could go on round-the-clock right wing propaganda machines instead of actual news programs that expect you to answer their simple, straightforward questions, not wink and grunt non sequiturs.
“I want to help clean up the state that is so sorry today of journalism.”
Sarah, stupid? Haha! That’s unpossible!
Dang media elites!
What she really meant to say was: “Me want fix to help news media the mess it is today since learn I good journalism.”
Sarah Palin my name is, and this, I approve, message.