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Sarah Palin's Dingbat Drifter Tour Hits A Snag In Homer, Alaska...D'OH!

Like any Mama Grizzly worth her weight in fat and fur, Sarah Palin doesn’t take too kindly to strangers, especially dumb librul ones, getting too close to her or her precious li’l cubs. And much like any vicious, aggressively defensive wild animal feeling the slightest bit threatened, any hapless intruder is met with a swift, vengeful razor-sharp claw and canine combination of maternal fury to prove just how serious Apex predator Mamas can be.

So, one can imagine the rarity of catching a wild, untamed beast like Sarah Palin, given all of her various handlers and security guards, alone and vulnerable to anything, let alone a blindside attack in the form of an unscripted exchange with a critic, or anyone who does not immediately drop to their knees, curl into the fetal position and play dead so as not to anger the easily-enraged, powerful beast of the Snowy North, SarBear.

Like this one brave Alaskan teacher from the “city” of Homer, who was on hand to personally welcome Sarah Palin and her crew when they arrived in her quaint li’l neck o’ the woods (named after the famous Simpson patron, one would assume) to shoot parts of the maverick’s new Discovery Channel TLC documentary/travel show, Sarah Palin’s Alaska. Ummm, I thought Animal Planet already had all rights to the “Weird, True, & Freaky” series, but whatever!

And this gutsy Homer local, Kathleen Gustafson didn’t come empty handed. Heavens no! That would be terribly ill mannered and rude! And Alaskans are anything but ungracious hosts!

Instead, Miss Gustafson came armed with a can’t-miss-it “WORST GOVERNOR EVER” sign probably to show Sarah just how downright unBEARable her, umm 24-month tenure as the People’s Princess of the Arctic North really was.

Sarah naturally confronts the woman (dinner?), and like all interactions between quasi-politicians (or however you’d describe her) and angry members of the public, it was both rather awkward, and at times, slightly difficult to watch. Oh, and also Sarah Palin is frighteningly dumb.

The audio can be spotty — probably doesn’t help that First Dude Todd and accompanying First Douche next to him so casually try to block the videographer for a while, because like we said before, the woman is as stupid as the soft snow beneath her feet, and if left to her own devices, will almost certainly do something ridiculous indefensible that will cause a media frenzy, and more likely than not, end up as a Facebook post about female power, freedom, guns, Jesus, and how Us Weekly is unAmerican.

Billy Sullivan caught much of the interchange on his cell phone camera. The back of her security guard’s head and Todd Palin attempted to block Billy’s view, continually rotating like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. What were they afraid of? I guess that’s what happens when you’re filming a “celebrity”. He was even told by one of the Palin daughters, “You’re an A-hole”. Charming family values.

Hmmm, seems like a Bristoly move. And everyone knows how charming she can be! Especially when discussing every trivial, contrived detail of her stable, 100% healthy, tabloid-nourished relationship (based on mutual trust and respect) with baby-daddy-and-formerly-spurned-porn-star-persona-non-grata (sounds cool!) turned-loving-fiance-turned-once-again-scorned, sperm-shootin’ self-centered, secret-spillin’ slimeball of the Snowy North.

Anyway, back to the STAR OF THIS SHOW, Sarah Louise Palin, and Elitist Teacher Who Hates Her:

GUSTAFSON: You swore on your precious Bible that you would uphold the interests of this state, and then when cash was waved in front of your face, you quit.

PALIN: OH, you wanted me to be your governor! I’m honored! Thank you!

GUSTAFSON: I wanted you to honor your responsibilities. That is what I wanted. I wanted you to be part of the political process instead of becoming a celebrity so that you could (inaudible). And if that’s the best you could do, then good for you. If that’s the best you could do.

PALIN: Here’s the deal. Here’s the deal. […] That’s what I’m out there fightin’ for Americans to be able to have a Constitution protected so that we can have free speech…And also there…

GUSTAFSON: In what way are you fighting for that?

PALIN: Oh my goodness!

GUSTAFSON: In what way?

PALIN: To elect candidates who understand the Constitution, to protect our military interests so that we can keep on fightin’ for our constitution that will protect some of the freedoms that evidently are important to you too.

GUSTAFSON: By using your celebrity status, certainly not by political status.

Oh my goodness! What is this she hears?? Someone with the stone-cold snowballs big enough to question St. Sarah’s non-sequitur ’bout fightin’ for freedom by protectin’ the constitution from threats by the big, bad gubmint? Gasp!

Sweet suffering Jesus, if this lady doesn’t watch herself, she’s going to be the second living creature to be shoved down a meat-grinder during a local interview with Sarah Palin.

Fortunately, Sarah just rolls her eyes, and knowingly glances over at no-longer disowned daughter Bristol as if to say, ha ha that explains everything! And Bristy’s all like Mom represents the whole United States now, not just plain ol’ Alaska, so take that Mrs. Teacher Loser, who’s not even a rich celeb everyone worships.

But then Mama Grizz saw the lamestream media’s sensationalizing (aka reporting accurately) of this terribly awkward, yet hilarious interaction with an Alaskan teacher, and as predicted above, issued one of her signature, scathing (ghostwritten) Facebook posts about the LSM’s horrible misconstruing of America’s number one defender of special needs babies and regular needs educators, herself!

The LSM has now decided to use this brief encounter for another one of their spin operations. They claim I – wait for it – “appear to roll my eyes” when the lady tells me she’s a teacher. Yes, it’s come to this: the media is now trying to turn my eyebrow movements into story lines. (Maybe that’s why Botox is all the rage – if you can’t move your eyebrows, your “eye rolling” can’t be misinterpreted!) If they had checked their facts first, they would have known that I come from a family of teachers; my grandparents were teachers, my father was a teacher, my brother is a teacher, my sister works in Special Needs classrooms, my aunt is a school nurse, my mom worked as a school secretary for much of her professional life, we all volunteer in classrooms, etc., etc., etc. Given that family history, how likely is it that I would “roll my eyes” at someone telling me that they too work in that honorable profession? Stay classy, LSM.

Hmmm, we’re not sure exactly. Probably the same likelihood as making that other, almost indiscernible-from eye-rolling, contemptuous sneer of disgust she made, until finally perking up upon hearing that the woman’s husband was a commercial fisherman. Phew!

But don’t take the video evidence’s word for it, take Sarah’s!

While filming the Alaska documentary in Homer, I had a brief discussion with a local lady who, in typical Alaska style, decided to give me her two cents worth about my political leanings, American politics in general, and much else besides. It’s what makes our politics so uniquely democratic: two people discussing the things they care about, even though they respectfully disagree about just about everything (you can watch a brief video of the encounter here).

Please feel free to watch a minute and a half of me looking like a bumbling moron because some woman in the education profession asked me a few real, unrehearsed questions that I certainly couldn’t answer. Which I decide to obnoxiously dismiss as nothing more than a friendly chitchat with one of the colorful locals who would like nothing more than to add a certain Alaskan Mama Bear (moi!) to the nation’s endangered species list, as a delightful slice of proud American opinion-having.

Surely, this can be evidenced by Todd Palin and Sarah’s bodyguard bursting into a spontaneous ring-around-the-rosy routine, right in front of the camera, conveniently synchronized to block the recording as much as possible.

The first (and definitely last!) unedited clip of her highness, Sarah Louise Palin, in an unstaged, unscripted notes-on-the-palm-free exchange with a real live critic to ever exist on the face of the Earth. With good reason, no doubt. Wink Wink!

But just for accuracy’s sake, since Kathleen’s a teacher and all, shouldn’t that sign read “WORST HALF-TERM GOVERNOR EVER?”

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