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OMG! New Leaked Sarah Palin Tell-All Reveals Sarah Palin Is Not Only A Terrible Person, But A Terrible Email Writer Too!

“A leaked manuscript by one of Sarah Palin’s closest aides from her time as governor charges that Palin broke state election law in her 2006 gubernatorial campaign and was consumed by petty grievances up until she resigned.”

What, what, what!?!? Petty grievances?? Nah, doesn’t sound a bit like her. Not our Sarah Palin! No, no, must be a mistake. Must be the other incompetent, dim-witted, half-term governor of another remote, unpopulated frozen Northern wasteland in the middle of nowhere, they’re thinking of!

Besides, who’s responsible for this blasphemy, anyway? The lamestream media elites? Evil, arugula-eating, liberal journylists? Levi Johnston? The Muslim Brotherhood? Blood-libelin’ Jews? Wisconsin Governor of Busting Up Worker’s Unions, Scott Walker? I want names here, people!

The 465-page, tell-all manuscript is titled, In Blind Allegiance to Sarah Palin: A Memoir of our Tumultuous Years and is written by former Palin confidante Frank Bailey.

Bailey is a former Alaska Airlines supervisor who started off painting Sarah Palin’s gubernatorial campaign offices as a volunteer in 2005, joined Palin’s campaign team at the beginning of her successful run for governor in 2006, and left as a top aide in 2009. He writes in the manuscript how he was charmed and inspired by Palin.

Translation: “Alaska Airlines supervisor” = instantly the most qualified person to run the executive branch of Sarah Palin’s state government. “Charmed and inspired by Palin” = she gave him a boner, thus he was hoping to have sex with her.

Anyway, so this guy Bailey was once inspired by, loyal to, and probably in love with Palin, based on a quick perusal of the material and most middle aged male superfans who devote their entire professional life to serving Sarah, but now hates her no-good guts, and will do whatever it takes to expose as the arctic hillbilly grifter fraud she really is, while also hopefully making a few moose piles of money along the way, as would make his one-time Mama Grizzly mentor proud.

Bailey says the book was written with the help of more than 60,000 e-mails exchanged while working for Palin, like the one he received right before she abruptly resigned as Alaska’s governor in July 2009, less than three years into her four-year term, saying, “I hate this damn job.”

Hell, if she didn’t like that job, she must be simply thrilled she will never be president. Rumor has it that one’s even harder!

But until then, I suppose, we’ll just have to make do with the beautiful poetry composed all by her brilliant self on the Internets.

ridiculous… paying for the damn McCain campaign’s attorneys to vet me!!! Unflippinbelievable. The campaign was so disingenuous, who in the heck has to pay for themselves to be vetted when they didn’t ask for it??? I didn’t hire any attorney- they did! They ran up a bill and left me with it- just like they did with the damn clothes issue. Paying out of my family’s pocket for the Flippin’ privileged of jumping on the pirate ship headed up by Schmidt, Nicole, et al? I am so upside down in all this- paying off a ridiculous debt I owe for the privilege of campaigning with a bunch of rich, connected people who have no burden after the campaign ends- they left the burden (in more ways than one) to us. This aspect of it is unheard of- the campaign folks lied. They have $ left over in different campaign accounts, but we’re stuck with their bill and a lot of embarrassment. This is an unbelievable chapter in a book.

Sarah Palin: Tuesday, 21 Apr 2009

(Note: the McCain Campaign later revealed that this was not a vetting expense, but a legal bill associated with defending Sarah Palin against ethics charges in her dismissal of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan in a scandal that became known as Troopergate).

Ah yes, an unbelievable chapter! One which we cannot wait to get our hands on, once her ghostwriting team is done makin’ stuff up, bindin’ it together, and slappin’ on a cover of her wrapped in an America flag, shooting a moose dead, all while keepin’ a winkin’ eye on Russia, from the snow-covered safety of her porch in Wasilla.

But what other new, amazing things do we, the American people, have the privilege of learning about St. Sarah, through the first 41-pages of Bailey’s book, other than “Unflippinbelievable” is the word her Arctic highness most frequently uses in private communications with her staff?

“Sarah Palin had God’s blessing and people’s love and faith,” he wrote.

Yes, yes, of course! But aside from this whole “Mandate of Heaven” thing. Like how ol’ SarBear had a lesser-known dark side, “including the compulsion to attack enemies, deny truth, play victim and employ outright deception.”

Shut the front door!

“Minor slights became obsessions, demanding revenge and if possible, destruction of the opponent’s reputation. We set our sights and went after opponents in coordinated attacks, utilizing what we called ‘Fox News surrogates,’ friendly blogs, ghost-written op-eds, media opinion polls (that we often rigged), letters to editors, and carefully edited speeches,” Bailey wrote.

Which she then brilliantly re-scribbled on the palm of her hand, just in case!

Bailey also claims to have been a close confidant to Palin’s husband, Todd, and writes that the two worked together to orchestrate “Troopergate,” a scandal involving the effort to get Palin’s ex-brother-in-law fired from his job as a state trooper.

And then likely fired from his existence as an oxygen breathing, carbon-based being residing in the Kingdom of God, if we know SarBear like we think we do.

Yawn.

In his book, Bailey alleges that Palin violated election law by using money from the Republican Governors Association (RGA) to fund her campaign commercials and appointing a dude to the Alaska Supreme Court pretty much because he totally screwed over her ex-brother-in-law in a custody hearing.

“She had, I suddenly believed, broken the law.”

And with that, the nation’s heart.

Oooh, I can’t for her to one day become president, so she can appoint a man to the Supreme Court of the United States, solely for voting the most times for Bristol Palin’s breathtaking, star-making performance doing the jive in a gorilla costume on Dancing With The Stars.

Bailey wrote that Palin turned on the anti-abortion group’s Alaska Family Council head, Jim Minnery, and later backed out of an event with him to promote a ballot measure aimed at making it illegal for teens to get an abortion because she was too busy working on her book.

“When Sarah turned on Jim Minnery and their cause, for the sole purposes of making money and causing him embarrassment, I saw how blind I’d become. Finally, Sarah Louise Palin’s petty ways and butchered priorities would set me free,” Bailey wrote.

Too bad the same cannot be said about the thousands of butchered animal carcasses or hapless teenagers desperate to be set free from carrying their own unwanted precious li’l miracles of God, drunken regret with Levi Johnston, forced penetration, or whatever the case may be.

Either way, the moral of the story is always protect your (in)boxes, ladies! Lest anything unwanted come popping out, be it baby or badly spelled, grammatically incorrect, unflippinbelievably embarrassing, special needs emails.

You betcha!

1 comment to OMG! New Leaked Sarah Palin Tell-All Reveals Sarah Palin Is Not Only A Terrible Person, But A Terrible Email Writer Too!

  • DR

    “Hell, if she didn’t like that job, she must be simply thrilled she will never be president. Rumor has it that one’s even harder!”

    Good line! Unflippinbelieveable!

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