Ah Mittens. Fresh off a most undeserved and uninspired victory over a gelatinous blob of ethical lapses and abandoned wives in the Florida Republican primary, Willard “Mitt” Romney proceeded to promptly squander all momentum and break the Golden Rule of presidential politics: pretend not to be the cold, heartless, asshole you really are.
You see, to billionaire everyman Mitt Romney, poor people are like unicorns. He’s heard of them, but never actually seen one. (Or at least not in the wilds of Massachusetts’ gated communities).
Which is probably why Mittens continued the ill-advised practice of opening up his awful rich person’s mouth and letting words flow forth like sister-wives to the altar, terrifying Soledad O’Brien and the half-dozen or so other people actually watching CNN.
“I’m in this race because I care about Americans,” Mitt said. “I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair I’ll fix it.”
And if the handyman he held his nose while hiring can’t get the job done (ugh, dumb poors!), he’ll move on to his next favorite activity: firing people.
But since Mitt is clearly not concerned about the gross poors (the free market will take care of them), what exactly is he concerned about? (Just kidding! We know he really doesn’t care about anybody).
“I’m not concerned about the very rich; they’re doing just fine.” (Just fine, indeed, wink wink!). “I’m concerned about the very heart of America, the 90-95 percent of Americans who right now are struggling…We will hear from the Democrat party on the plight of the poor and there’s no question, it’s not good being poor (he’s never really thought about it, but he’ll take their word for it!), and we have a safety net to help those that are very poor.”
And what a fine safety net it is! Manufactured in China by NetCo, LLC, a subsidiary of Bain Capital, and strong enough to catch a full-grown man plunging to the bottom in a dizzying self-induced freefall from the high horse he’s permanently perched upon.
So that’s what they mean about wealth trickling down!
[image via AP]