LOLZ, so true! Decisions can be so, umm, what’s the word I’m looking for again, err, oh yeah, hard. Yes, decisions can be sooo hard!
While the New York Times reports that most viewers found the third presidential debate boring — with the exception of President Obama’s meme-ready talk of bayonets and Battleship — one extremely important American was paying close attention. Earlier this month chronically underemployed former child star Lindsay Lohan said she was supporting Mitt Romney because “employment is really important right now,” but Politico reports that on Monday she retweeted a message from the Obama campaign: “RT if you’re #ProudOfObama as our commander in chief.” Then, securing her position as the nation’s most undecided voter, Lohan deleted the tweet and declared that no one is more stressed about this historic decision than she is. “Nice work to both @BarackObama and @mittromney…” wrote Lohan. “i’m so relieved that its over. Maybe more than both of you..severe anxiety-God Bless xo L.”
Oh nozies! Poor baby. You should really do something about all that stress and anxiety, Linds. Like maybe whatever is floating at the bottom of your purse, preferably in pill form, right next to the cocaine, dope, heroin, ketamine, PCP, ecstasy, mescaline, ‘shrooms, smack, salvia, bath salts, Patrón-soaked tampons, and parliament lights.
What?? It’s there BECAUSE she’s sober, you guys! Duh.
Why else would she defend Mitten’s antiquated policies against that meany Obama on Twitter if her mind weren’t as crystal clear as the methamphetamine she’s smoking??
“1920s, 1950s…. ITS ALL THE SAME, History repeats itself…. Only if you let it,” Lindsay wrote, presumably while scribbling furiously on a chalkboard, as part of her signature three-woman re-creation of “Mean Girls” with Ali and Dina in her basement.
Like, say, your first DUI followed by your next 10?
Luckily for LinLo, her asinine inability to decide which completely opposite candidate should receive her coveted celebrity druggie endorsement is as relevant as her acting career, because…WAIT FOR IT…she isn’t even registered to vote.
Which could only mean one thing for Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.
They got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one!
[images via Buzzfeed/Wonkette]