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Let's Do The Time Warp Again: President Obama Evolves Back To 1996, Now Supports Marriage For All (Even Gays!!)

Woohoo! Congratulations, Gays and Gayettes! President Barack Obama Glama has finally come out of the closet on his very controversial belief that gay men and women should have the same marriage rights as Kim Kardashian and that one tall goofy looking fellow on Jay-Z’s team, Kris Humptydumpty or whatever.

Thus, President Obama’s evolution back to the position he originally held in 1996, when running for president was just a twinkle in his eye, is complete, and all those who doubted his liberal street cred/coolness factor can totally go suck it (gay way included this time!).

OBAMA: I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together, when I think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf and yet feel constrained, even now that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.

Well Hallef*ckinglujah! America can now enter the 21st century, and join Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, and Sweden in granting gays and lesbians the right to be as miserable and undersexed as everyone else in holy matrimony.

Meanwhile, current Republican presidential candidate, Mittens Romney, whose forefathers “redefined” marriage as between one man and as many women as he could swat into his desert abode using the Book of Mormon, continues to evolve the opposite way.

And now that he opposes even civil unions, Governor Gay Marriage is well on his way to losing the White House, but fulfilling his lifelong dream of getting to be the next, totally non-gay Governor of North Carolina.

Like Mormon Jesus intended.

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