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Is Kermit The Froggy To Blame For Some Crazy, Armed, Asian Nutjob Attacking Discovery Channel?

I’m sure by now you’ve heard about that crazy guy James Lee who was maybe strapped with a bomb, but most definitely armed with a gun when he stormed the Discovery Channel(!?) headquarters in Maryland and took three people hostage before being shot and killed by police, who rescued the baffled, frightened Discovery employees, suddenly at the mercy of a deranged Ecoterrorist(?) with a weird, obsession-y death wish for the notorious, n’er do well network, Discovery!

Ummm, I mean they did give Sarah Palin her own reality show, so okay? But then it starts getting really weird…

Apparently, the dude’s demented grievance against the Discovery channel began back in 2008, when he was arrested for disorderly conduct for oh, just your average, ho-hum incident involving “hiring homeless people” to join comprise his protest and hold signs, with cash bonuses awarded to the loudest, most protestin’ son-of-gun in the bunch, while “throwing thousands of dollars into the air” all to show his seething hatred of a nature show network, whose apocalyptic programming includes Planet Earth, Man vs. Wild, kid and family friendly “Shark Week,” and the Search For The Ultimate Cheeseburger, must be permanently silenced!

Or else!?!?

Well, I guess when your entire life’s philosophy is based on a fictional book about a telepathic ape who teams with a 12-year-old girl to save the planet, called “My Ishmael,” tossing crumpled Benjamins in the air, while homeless people run around chasing it, does seem like an effective way of getting your point across, like how “Money is trash and means nothing.” And also that you’re one crazy Asian motherf**ker!

So why exactly was James Lee locked in his own ongoing, bizarre, personal one-on-one war with the freakin’ Discovery Channel of all places? Hello, I mean have you ever heard of MTV Networks? Snooki? Surely, that orange dwarf is as toxic to Mother Earth as the live, televised birth of sextuplets, no?

Apparently not to Mr. James Lee, who compiled a hilarious list of demands and beliefs that Discovery Channel “MUST broadcast to the world and do IMMEDIATELY”…or suffer the consequences!

“The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution.”

“Programs must be developed to find solutions to stopping ALL immigration pollution and the anchor baby filth that follows that.”

Whoa, whoa, wait!! Fox News attacked the Discovery Channel?? Oh, oops, my bad, saw “anchor baby filth,” and made the obvious leap.

“Humans are the most destructive, filthy, pollutive creatures around and are wrecking what’s left of the planet with their false morals and breeding culture.”

Oh, what now a person can’t ‘Gym Tan Laundry’ without some crazy, self hating, greenpeacy Asian eco-terrorist all up in their grills, screaming about how “The Situation” isn’t some Jersey guido’s rock hard abs, but rather the coming Armageddon if Discovery Channel doesn’t shape up, stop airing mammalian procreation, and start killing anchor babies instead!

“For every human born, ACRES of wildlife forests must be turned into farmland in order to feed that new addition over the course of 60 to 100 YEARS of that new human’s lifespan! THIS IS AT THE EXPENSE OF THE FOREST CREATURES!!!!”

OMG, not the elves, gnomes and other whimsical li’l creatures of the enchanted woods and also of fantasy children books by J.R.R Tolkien. Please, please not the unicorns and dragons, anything but them!

“Saving the Planet means…decreasing the Human population. That means stopping the human race from breeding any more disgusting human babies!”

Hear that Bristol?? For God’s sake, wrap some rubber around Levi’s man muscle for once! The Human race depends on it!

“Also, war must be halted. Not because it’s morally wrong, but because of the catastrophic environmental damage modern weapons cause to other creatures.”

Ooooh right, of course!

“FIND SOLUTIONS JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAYS! Humans are supposed to be inventive. INVENT, DAMN YOU!!”

GOT IT, you worthless, greenhouse-gas emitting, polar-bear killing, carbon-based balls of sentient smut? Come up with something to save dear Mother Earth from gross human infestation right this second, you lazy, good-for-nothin’ freeloaders!

“The humans?” HAHAHAHA, “The planet does not need humans!”

“Nothing is more important” than saving animals: “The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels.”

Excuse me, but I think you forgot Cows, Piggies, Goats, Mosquitoes, Hedgehogs, Whales, Roaches, Rabbits, Horsies, Zebras, and Doggies!

Oh, and also according to his MySpace page, when not harassing cable TV channels focusing on popular science, technology, and history to save Kermit the “Froggy,” Lee “listens to 70’s and some 80’s music. I also like a lot of Spanish music,” he adds.

Naturally, while this man was sticking his weapons (and possibly explosives) in innocent hostages’ faces, the lamestream media did what anyone in their right mind would do when some psycho criminal and/or terrorist storms a Cable TV headquarters to threaten employees at gun point: argue about whether this armed madman is really A DERANGED ANCHOR-BABY WINGNUT CONSERVATIVE or AN EVIL AL GORE ENVIRONMENTALIST LIBERAL??

According to the elitist arugula-eating Left:

Lee’s immigration screed bears a troubling resemblance to views and policies espoused by anti-immigrant groups such as NumbersUSA, the Center for Immigration Studies (CIS), the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR), and others…

It’s not a coincidence that many of these are amongst the same groups that have always supported changing the 14th amendment to deny “anchor babies,” or the American-born children of undocumented immigrants, citizenship — long before the debate entered the political mainstream this summer.

Whoa, whoa, not so fast says the gun lovin’, gay hatin’, Jeebus worshipers on the Right:

Lee said he experienced an “awakening” when he watched former Vice President Al Gore’s environmental documentary “An Inconvenient Truth.”

Apparently, the man is named James Lee, an environmental activist and longtime antagonist of the Discovery Channel over their lack “of real shows that actually work to save the planet.”

So, who’s really to blame for all this tragic-if-it-weren’t-so-comical absurdity?

The Squirrels, of course!

In collusion with dirty anchor babies and probably that filthy Al Gore too!

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