Forget Moose, Sarah Palin’s About To Field Dress Levi Johnston

19-year-old Alaskan daddy Levi Johnston shot to stardom by impregnating abstinence-only crusader and female role model Bristol Palin, whose mother just happens to be the most powerful woman in Alaska! At least before she upped and quit her job of running the damn state in order to make boatloads of money hawking her book to sinners and elitists in the “lower 48.”

Well anyway now that he’s a real celebrity and all, Levi Johnston figured he’d take a break from appearing on talk shows, pursuing his own book deal or modeling contract and maybe “getting into some movies or something” while also working as a carpenter to share his take on the real reason his almost Mother-in-law decided to abruptly resign as governor of the great state of Alaska.

Johnston, who lived with the Palin family from early December to the second week in January in order to have lots of premarital sex with his baby mama Bristol, claimed he heard the governor say how nice it would be to take advantage of the lucrative deals being offered, such as “books, talk shows, whatever, things like that.”

“She had talked about how nice it would be to take some of this money people had been offering us and you know just run with it, say ‘forget everything else,’” he said.

“I’ve seen how stressful this job was for her, and she came home late at night and things like that.” But, Johnston added, “I think the big deal was the book. That was millions of dollars.”

So there you have it people. Straight from Levi’s lips to your ears: Sarah Palin wanted to get rich from being Alaska’s most famous export but was too lazy to be governor at the same time. OMG, alert the presses!