|Rep. Mike Castle (R-DE) Stands Alone|
Eh, now turns out Castle’s actually not standing at all anymore, thanks to Sarah Palin endorsed doomed candidate and anti-masturbation crusader Christine O’ Donnell, the born again, slightly less adorable, substantially more crazy hell version of that cute Circle of Friends/Scent of a Woman actor with the same namesake minus the “tine,” who defeated (Teabagged?) longtime Delaware congressman, moderate Rep. Mike Castle to claim the Republican Senate nomination, as the Party’s biggest mistake since that snow bunny Sarah first sleighed her way into our hearts and unleashed a Celestial Seasonings Tsunami upon the unsuspecting nation. Hooray!
Thank you, Abstinence Jeebus!
Because now with the woman who puts the “Christ” in “Christine” and uses the power of the Lord to conquer the lustful sin of masturbation, O’Donnell in, and Mike Castle out, the Democrats are poised to snag Joe Biden’s old Senate seat, previously considered a Republican lock right from the GOP’s pure, masturbation-free hands!
But that’s not all! No sir-ee!
Now that the moderate, intelligent, long-serving, mentally sane Republican Mike Castle has been unceremoniously tossed out of Delaware by pitchfork wielding patriots, in favor of a perennially-losing trainwreck with nice tits, no qualifications, and a laundry list of crazy-as-a-motherf**ker moments, there is not a single Republican candidate for Senate left who believes in human-caused climate change or supports action to limit global warming pollution. Yay!
I repeat: With the sole Republican believer in global warming, Mike Castle, now officially Teabagged out of the race, there is not a single candidate left on the GOP slate (vying for one of the 37 Senate seats in 2010) who actually believes in climate change as a real, powerful threat the United States must act to combat or face disastrous global consequences.
Even previously sane, former Republican climate advocates Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) and Rep. Mark Kirk (R-IL) have decided to toss their brains, along with their souls, out of the Overton Window, and join the rest of the Grand Old Pretenders who know that global warming is nothing more than an elitist conspiracy between hippie dippie liberals and the entire international scientific community to keep Real Americans from drilling baby drilling America’s once-pristine, water-based coastal shores into deliciously lucrative (albeit toxic) oil & dead wildlife-filled wastelands, like God intended.
I mean, if He cared about polar bears soooooo much, maybe He should have made ‘em a little less choosy, and a little more suited to assembly line work in Indonesia. Hmmm, ever think about that, ya spoiled, ungrateful Arctic brats!
But inhabitable Earth or not, Christine O’ Donnell is accepting her nomination and has all the best people in America to thank: the 9/12 nuts, Teabaggers, the Tea Party Express, Birthers, Oathers, Truthers, and the rest of Real, Normal Americans who know God created the world in six days, rested on the seventh, and reserved a special place in hell for those who touch their “sinful place” down there where babies are made.
Here’s a quick review of Christine O’Donnell’s fantastic nuttiness, from Reason‘s Michael C. Moynihan:
At this point, voting GOP is like voluntarily throwing yourself, and your family, in front of a fast moving train. Then again, if people don’t vote for the clinically insane Grand Ol’ Frauds, Sharron Angle will be forced to use second amendment remedies, and her special ability to turn-incestuously raped-and-impregnated-teenage-girl lemons-into-refreshingly-zesty-lemon-meringue-pie to fix the situation. After all, it is God’s plan, that the Republicans Teabaggers be in power.
While it’s true that some Tea Party-backed Senate candidates — like Marco Rubio in Florida and Rand Paul in Kentucky — have more than a decent shot to actually win their races, sadly the same cannot be said for Ms. Jesus Christine O’ Donnell.
As New York Times blogger and stats wizard Nate Silver points out:
“While Mr. Rubio has charisma (that winning wingnut smile!), and Mr. Paul has the advantage of running in a state in which President Obama (and also black people & civil rights) is very unpopular, neither of those advantages would hold for someone like Ms. O’Donnell, whose nomination would represent a clear setback for Republican chances of taking over the Senate. But few voters in either party seem in much mood for measuring their risk.”
HAHA, risk, what risk? There’s no risk when it’s God’s plan that the inmates take over the asylum!