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A Different Kind Of Stimulus Package!

Another kind of bank is offering customers their own stimulus package during these tough economic times.


But instead of the usual boring free checking accounts or slashed interest rates you’ll find at Bank of America or Wachovia, this rebate comes in the form of Grade-A sperm at bargain basement prices!

Welcome to Xytex International, one of the oldest sperm banks in the US of A. If you’re looking to start a family (or add to the one you already have) but don’t have much money to spare, Xytex has got the reproductive bargain you’ve been waiting for!

“We’re all feeling the effects of the economy and, especially for families seeking reproductive options, every dollar counts,” Xytex spokeswoman Danielle Moores said.

For a limited time only, Xytex is offering deals on vials from “select” donors who come a bit cheaper than the usual “standard” donors. Those looking to take advantage of this sperm super sale can save anywhere from $135 and $235 on select vials from a standard Xytex donor, which typically start at $385 for your average Joe the Plumber sperm and go up to $585 for your more Brad Pitt variety.

But don’t worry, it’s not like there’s anything wrong with these “select” donors.

“Select donors haven’t reached the end of their shelf-life, they’re just over-produced…They are simply men from whom Xytex has many, many vials because they’re very successful donors or able to stop in several times a week or — for whatever reason, we have a huge inventory.”

I guess you could say they’re the Octomom of the sperm donor world.

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