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How Do I Love Thee America, Let Mitt Count The Ways...

You Know Who Else Mitt Loves? That Guy! (Oh Wait, That’s A Mirror!)

Willard “Mitt” Romney is a lover of many things. Many, many generic things. He loves air, for instance. The way it effortlessly swirls around from place to place, filling up empty space without ever being noticed. The delicate way it fills your chest, […]

Mississippi: Where Magnolias, Mud Pie, & Morbid Obesity Mingle

Grab a twinkie and fire up the deep fryer, America!

For all the talk about how the U.S. is declining in this, or sagging in that, or losing its competitive edge to some increasingly industrial, infuriatingly industrious, overpopulated country in Asia, you can bet your bottom badonkadonk dollar the mighty red, white ‘n blue still ranks […]

The State Of The Union Is Strong Like...Smoked Salmon & Adult-Onset Diabetes!

Oooh, America, the excitement is in the air! Or maybe it’s just the toxic greenhouse gases slowly asphyxiating Mother Earth now that the Obama Administration up and fired (finally!) its only real environmentalist, fierce tree-hugging hippie, now former White House energy adviser, Carol M. Browner, because who the hell needs a planet anyway?

Certainly not America, […]

Americans (Reluctantly) Decide Gays Can Be Families Too...Even If They're Probably Going To Burn In Eternal Hell

Congratulations, nation! A new poll finds that a majority of Americans now think same-sex couples with children and married gays without kids (or the blessings of the Lord?) should count as “a family.”

Not everyone, though! Not everyone is convinced that a committed relationship between two men or two women (gasp!) is as God-blessed, pure, and […]