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Awful arctic drifter $arah Palin is apparently getting bored making boatloads of money by quitting her day job(s) so she can put all her energies into doing what she does best: nothing! Except, of course, when using her vast political knowledge and expertise on all security matters to help bring to justice a terrible blight on [...] Hey America, it’s me, Bristol coming to you live (and most certainly edited) to give you, the public, a very important public service announcement about what happens when you, the bored daughter of Alaskan royalty, decide to get drunk and make maverick (aka no jimmy hat) sexytime with hotty boy toy Levi Johnston in the [...] When magical Alaskan wonderwoman Sarah Palin was first thrust upon us, the unsuspecting masses, by a senile old man in the final throes of his desperate campaign to stave off creeping dementia and (not-so) early retirement, our immediate thoughts were who is this breathtaking woman and where the hell has she been our whole lives? Truth [...] Oh Sweet Sarah, does your goodness know no bounds? Sacrificing her precious time and energy to go to that terrible liberal cesspool Hollywood just to dazzle the Tonight Show crowd with the hilarious jokes she didn’t write before heading over to the “Oscar gift suite” to scoop up piles of fancy clothes and cosmetics that somebody [...] If ya can’t beat em, join ‘em Sarah Palin, who decided to up and leave her cozy, bear skin seat in Alaska’s Governor’s Mansion in order to bash the evil media 24/7 on Facebook, has now opted to throw in the towel on the social networking scene to join the dark side (along with the rest [...] Like a beautiful snowflake, Sarah Palin has drifted into our lives, a glistening hexagonal prism of symmetry and ice sent from the Lord to fill our world with wonder and wisdom. Like Sarah, each precious star-shaped ice and crystal blend, having formed in the high clouds of the atmosphere before floating down as the frozen water [...] Rogue author and GOP sexpot from the snowy north Sarah Palin graced us sinners and traitors in the Lower 48 to talk about her favorite subject other than herself (no not Facebook, Levi Johnston of course!) on that popular chocolate lady’s television show, Orpah, Oprah or whatever it’s called. Speaking to [...] Rejoice America! The release date for Sarah Palin’s much-anticipated new “book” has been moved up from spring 2010 to Nov. 17 because the world simply cannot wait one another second to devour all 400 wisdom-filled pages from Alaska’s sexiest import. Thanks to the tireless efforts of Sarah Palin and her loyal ghostwriter Lynn Vincent, the dynamic [...] And how did our lovely Alaskan doll do on her first ever trip to the magical land of Asia?? Did she dazzle the world’s leading investors who came from near and far to hear what infinite pearls of wisdom the foremost political and business minds on earth–minds like Sarah Barracuda Palin–had to say at [...] Guess who’s going to Asia? That’s right! America’s cuddly ice bunny from the Snowy North is heading to the Far East–to Hong Kong (of all places)–to serve the people! Luckily, Sarah got her passport just in time to make the journey to the magical continent of Asia where she will say smart and funny things to [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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