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Famous people like Charlie “Tiger Blood” Sheen, Rahm “9½ Fingers” Emanuel, and Sarah “Lou” Palin have “verified” Twitter accounts, meaning their ghostwritten 140-character thoughts, ruminations, and random profanity-laced outbursts are honored with a little green check mark next to their name, proving that they are indeed the awesome celebrities they claim to be (or, at […] Heartless, union-whacking Monster of the Midwest, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, is up to his neck in angry mobs of no-good, money sucking labor unions protestin’ his brave new plan to restore fiscal sanity to Wisconsin by rolling back collective bargaining rights and reducing already meager salaries of police, firefighters, teachers and other freeloadin’ public employees […] “A leaked manuscript by one of Sarah Palin’s closest aides from her time as governor charges that Palin broke state election law in her 2006 gubernatorial campaign and was consumed by petty grievances up until she resigned.” What, what, what!?!? Petty grievances?? Nah, doesn’t sound a bit like her. Not our Sarah Palin! No, no, must […] Between hours of boring lectures on the floor by day and secret orgies with orange Boehners by night, Congress can be a very scary place! Good thing the #2 ranked House Republican, but #1 most caring member, Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, is looking out for his fellow incoming Grand Old Party members still enjoying Freshman […] Fox News is a place where angry white men, unstable, born again recovering alcoholic/drug addicts turned gold hawking Mormon Messiahs, and washed up, bitter, fake blonde ex-Hooters waitresses go to make a quick buck blurting out whatever terrible, racist stuff about blacks, Arabs, Muslims, Mexicans, gays, women, Jews, gross poor people, that […] Everyone makes mistakes, Mark Kirk just makes a lot of them. Usually, at the absolute worst time possible. Like, say, two weeks before Senate elections, bad timing! For the most part, Mr. Kirk has managed to keep his lies, distortions, exaggerations, and various f**k-ups out of the prying public eye, save for a few concocted claims […] Since there is no Buy It Now button to instantly purchase the utterly unwanted job of California Governor, eBay Power Seller™ and notorious employee abuser Meg Whitman is instead forced to engage in a bidding war, like some petty commoner, in the hopes that it is indeed possible for the one-time CEO of the […] In “honor” of the thousands of innocent American civilians murdered nine years ago, on that fateful autumn day in 2001, überpatriots Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck will be a holding their own personal 9/11 event in Alaska to “honor” their own uncanny ability to dupe the dumb public into pouring moose piles of dirty money into […] |
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