Who The Hell Is 'Orora' & What Has It Done To America's Most Cherished Online Cheerleader Sarah Palin?

Since holding an actual elected position is clearly beneath her Arctic highness Sarah Palin (the only qualified person in America to do anything), perhaps more suited to her “skills” would be to function as an effective wingnut “cheerleader,” based purely on her experience in patriotically quitting the only elected statewide office she’s ever held, and brilliantly figuring out how to get knocked up & birth a litter o’ precious miracles of God with weirdo, suspiciously liberal names.

Just ask Family Research Council President and last line of defense against the evil scourge of homosinuality threatening to gay (and lesbian) marry our nation’s impressionable, confused children, Tony Perkins.

Perkins, in a bit of candor that some conservative leaders don’t always voice, called Palin “a great spokesman” and added that “she says what a lot of people think.”

“But you know a lot of people sometimes realize we shouldn’t say everything we think,” he continued. “Maybe it is that she is more of a cheerleader and one who rallies conservatives together as opposed maybe to being their top choice for president.”

Or, perhaps, in the same vein as the legendary George W. Bush, she could be both the greatest cheerleader and greatest U.S. President, in the history of mankind?

The woman does have a knack for wearin’ tight li’l numbers and shrieking senseless, catchy slogans with no real meaning except revvin’ up the angry, over-caffeinated, under-educated, old white supremacist crowd.

She’s even mastered the art of spewing hateful “cheers” in 140 incoherent characters or less on her favoritest megaphone, the Wasilla World Wide Web!

And by the looks of her latest Mastertweet, somebody (Jesus?) must have informed our prized Snow Drifter that the ‘Aurora Borealis’ indeed occurs in her Arctic neck of the woods, who in turn, thought, “Golly gee, ‘Orora’ does sound like a great handle, dontcha know, plus now the lamestream media won’t be able to call me dumb anymore, with all this fancy shmancy science-y stuff, oh ya betcha!” Wink, Wink!

Ha ha screw you leetist non-Alaskans with ur I.V. League insistence on korrect spelluns’ & Kelsey Grammer rules.

But what exactly does ‘Orora’ Sarah mean by “my advice for Lisa?” Lisa who? Lisa Simpson? They were in Alaska for their movie. But then again that was back when Sarah was still an unknown nobody with an actual job and responsibilities, not a super-star celebrity somebody whose only employment is duping dumb poor rednecks out of their hard-earned money.

Could she mean Lisa Ling? Perhaps she’s confusing Lisa with her other, slightly less-famous journalist sister Laura, who she still mistakenly believes is being held hostage by that crazy midget in the bad Korea?

Hmmm, possibly. Or could Sarah be referring to incumbent Alaskan Sen. Lisa Murkowski, who recently, not very cheerfully, announced (and didn’t even chant it in fun, sing-song rhyme!) her independent bid after losing the Republican primary to that faintly-bearded weirdo Teabagger Cub Joe Miller, by swiping at Mama Grizz Sarah by saying, “Perhaps it’s one time they met one Republican woman who won’t quit on Alaska!”

Hmmm, this is all very confusing! Online cheerleading isn’t as easy as it looks!

And what is with the extra period? Are we to assume the .”. symbol is secret Teabagger code only decipherable to non-masturbating witches in Delaware, like Sarah’s other adopted grizzly cub, Christine O’Donnell? Yes, that must be it!

Besides, I was always under the impression the preferred bear-reaction advice was “pump as many rounds as humanly possible as quickly and accurately as you can with the largest-caliber weapon at your disposal, while giggling wildly like some deranged cackle of rads.”

God, why does this mysterious Orora lady hate everyone’s favoritest 2nd Amendment solution??

Ask yourself America, is this really the kind of person/upper atmosphere photon admissions display, we want, no make that need, (cheer)leading our nation in the 21st century?

Gimme a Y!-O!-U! Can I get a B!-E!-T!-C!-H!-A! What does that spell??

GOOOOOOOO GRIZZLIES!!!