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What Is White, Brown, & Smug All Over? Mitt Romney Courting Latino Voters

¡Ay, caramba!

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And if there were ever a presidential candidate well versed in the realm of desperation, it is undoubtedly Mitt Romney.

You see, Mittens has had a very tough week! After all, it’s not every day that a secret video leaks with the GOP nominee insulting 47% of the American public for having the audacity to think their lazy, no-good, freeloadin’ rear ends deserve such frivilous entitlements as food and shelter. Get a job son!

But it’s not like Mitt doesn’t understand your struggles. Just think how easy his life would be if he were born Latino instead of the white son of a millionaire. Why, he would waltz, err, make that salsa right into the White House, excuse me, Casa Blanca, faster than you can say Speedy Gonzales!

But since we can’t change history or choose our cultural heritage whenever it is politically convenient, Mitt did the next best thing to promote his flailing candidacy to yet another group of Americans that pretty much can’t stand him, Latinos.

Because what better way to convince the 60% of Latino voters who think he’s an out-of-touch weirdo who supports awful, racist immigration policies than by becoming one himself?

Señoras y señores, I present to you the new and improved, sunkissed, Univision ready, Mitteo Romneyguez!

Sure, Mittens looks suspiciously tanner, oranger and less the pasty white hue of Mormon privilege he’s usually sporting. But does that mean he confused winning “brownie points” with “browning points” and dipped his face in a vat of super dark just to woo Latin voters with the kind of glowing bronzed skin they can relate to?

Who knows!?

Perhaps he’s been spending too much time with John Boehner or maybe his deep love for Snooki (and her tiny new shape) has manifested itself in the form of his new foundation shade, Pander Bear Brown?

Whatever the case, one thing’s for sure: he is the Juan Percent!

[images via AP]

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