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Wet Hot American Summer: The Lord Of The (Right-Wing) Flies

Is your child’s summer camp a bit too…umm shall we say, foreign? Are their cabin mates a tad diverse, counselors a bit too Kenyan for your liking?

Well, fear not, fellow patriots! Because the Tampa Liberty School, a 5-day summer camp designed to
to scrub the political correctness out of children’s tender, pre-liberal brainwashed minds, is still available for sign up!

There, li’l freedom fighters ages 8-12 can learn important lessons about the dangers of Socialism, the value of Freedom, and why America should ditch that worthless paper currency and return to the Gold Standard of Glenn Beck’s pyrite toy coins.

Unlike your standard public school (with their boring, fact-based textbooks & liberal bias called truth), the Tampa Liberty School will use “fun, hands-on activities to promote principles like ‘America is good,’ ‘I believe in God,’ ‘I work hard for what I have and I will share it with who I want to because Government cannot force me to be charitable,'” and all the other delightful tenants our Founding Fathers enshrined in the Constitution Ayn Rand enshrined in Atlas Shrugged.

Oh and don’t worry because the lessons are designed for a third grade level learning, which ironically, is about the same level of understanding of American history possessed by so many of our beloved Tea Party patriots.

The St. Petersburg Times reports:

One example at Liberty: Children will win hard, wrapped candies to use as currency for a store, symbolizing the gold standard. On the second day, the “banker” will issue paper money instead. Over time, students will realize their paper money buys less and less, while the candies retain their value.

“Some of the kids will fall for it,” Lukens said. “Others kids will wise up.”

And then they will kindly get tossed out of the nearest window because at Liberty Camp intelligence is just a fancy shmancy elitist word for terrorism.

Another example: Starting in an austere room where they are made to sit quietly, symbolizing Europe, the children will pass through an obstacle course to arrive at a brightly decorated party room (the New World).

Red-white-and-blue confetti will be thrown. But afterward the kids will have to clean up the confetti, learning that with freedom comes responsibility.

Still another example: Children will blow bubbles from a single container of soapy solution, and then pop each other’s bubbles with squirt guns in an arrangement that mimics socialism. They are to count how many bubbles they pop. Then they will work with individual bottles of solution and pop their own bubbles.

Oooh, sounds fun! Except when the “smart” kids start using their delicious hard, wrapped candies to pay the “other” kids to clean up the confetti like them chocolate-skinned illegal border jumpers from Mexicanland.

We can only assume the black kids will be symbolically shackled with chains made out of paper clips and rubber bands, while the white boys, armed with BB guns, “sell” them for even more pieces of hard, wrapped candy. The white girls, naturally, will be in the cafeteria where they belong, making the boys’ PB&J sandwiches, while the Asians, Indians, and Muslims are forced to march, single file, outside where they will proceed to build all swing sets, sandboxes, slides and other playground equipment their terrible. gross skin color prohibits them from enjoying themselves.

Ha ha, just kidding! Minorities aren’t allowed at Liberty Camp, silly!

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