It’s no secret the loyal birthers, secessionists, constitutionalists, and Dick (Cheney) Heads attending Woodstock for Wingnuts, 2010’s Conservative Political Action Conference, love freedom. So much in fact that there’s nothing they’d rather do than suck the sweet nectar of liberty from Robert E. Lee’s slave-lovin’ teet.
Freedom is everything to them! Freedom from oppression at the hands of a socialist (black) Nazi from Kenya, freedom to pack as much semiautomatic heat as their little liberty-filled hearts desire, freedom to spontaneously contract Ebola and bleed out in front of the Senate in protest of health care reform, freedom to pray to sweet Jesus above that the President Barack Obama suddenly drops dead (of natural causes!), and of course, the freedom to discriminate against whichever abomination against God is currently offending their incredibly delicate sensibilities.
But who among the usual suspects of homos, abortionists, feminazis, pacifists, elitists, non-Christians and other “ist” tyrants of the Left is keeping the ‘baggers from enjoying their piping mug of NON-BLACK tea now?
Give up? Why, it’s everyone’s favorite scapegoat of sin and hellfire, the almost able To-Ask-and-Tell rainbows!
Well, one patriot of the revolution headlining CPACapalooza, Ryan Sorba of the California Young Americans for Freedom, is seeing red (COMMUNIST RED!) over CPAC’s inclusion of the gay conservative group GOProud (yes, they do in fact exist), allowing the hedonist homos to co-sponsor the event, host a booth and who knows what other deviant ‘services’ they may be thrusting upon the decent star-and-striped heterosexuals. (What, like teabagging?)
But, this defender of freedom from tyranny and gayness happens to know a few things about God and His idea of natural rights. And it sure as hell ain’t Adam and Steve!
“Just to change the subject for just a second, I’d like to condemn CPAC for bringing GOPride to this event,” Sorba told the suddenly gay-friendly crowd erupting into boos at the mere thought of not allowing their fellow conservatives participation in CPAC. Exclusion from marriage, the military, adopting kids, and discrimination protections are one thing, but being denied the right to teabag on the basis of sexuality is quite another. You betcha!
And they will exercise their God-given right to boo and heckle as much as they’d like, thank you very much.
Good thing Ryan Sorba loves getting booed almost as much as he loves loving women.
“Bring it. Bring it. I love it. I love it. I love it.”
“Guess what? Guess what? All right, guess what? Civil rights are grounded in natural rights,” said Sorba. “Natural rights are grounded in human nature. Human nature is a rational substance in relationship. The intelligible end of the reproductive act is reproduction. Do you understand that? Civil rights, when they conflict with natural rights, are contrary — hey, you sit down. The lesbians at Smith College protest better than you do. The lesbians at Smith College protest than you do. All right? Bring it.”
He’d know too, considering he dated half of them, that is before they all coincidentally realized they were no longer attracted to men immediately following their Ryan Sorba experience, and instead found themselves running, screaming into the arms of a woman.
It’s called the freedom to flee from idiots, imbeciles, and ignorant creeps like you, Mr. Sorba, and you better believe, a sweeter freedom there never could be.
Ooooh, Could It Be A Bride For Ryan?