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The Most Nerve-Wracking Moment of George W. Bush’s Presidency Was Throwing A Baseball; Throwing Two Wars & An Economy In The Gutter Is Child's Play

How’s That For A Strike?

Human caricature and accidental cowboy president George W. Bush sure had a lot of “nerve-wracking” moments during his 8-year reign showering peace and prosperity smart bombs and death onto the land with his signature combination of utter recklessness and absolute idiocy.

And with the worst terrorist attack in U.S. history, two endless, bloody wars, Hurricane Katrina’s drowning of New Orleans, unprecedented trampling of civil liberties, including initiating the most wide-ranging extrajudicial surveillance of American citizens in a generation, authorizing widespread abuses of detainees at Gitmo and various other secret terrorist prisons around the world, all after achieving the narrowest (and most disputed!) presidential victory in history, you’d think he’d have plenty of ripe, juicy memories to choose from!

You’d be wrong. Haha, silly fools! Because, as it turns out, “the most nervous moment” of his presidency—check that, of his entire life—was throwing out the ceremonial first pitch at the 2001 World Series.

From his lips to your ears!

According to his interview with the producers of HBO’s documentary Beyond 9/11: Portraits of Resilience, George W. Bush’s most heart-pounding, sweat inducing feeling came during that seminal moment the world will never remember forget, Game One of the 2001 Yankees-Diamondbacks world series. That’s right, the freakin’ Diamondbacks!

The adrenaline was coursing through my veins, and the ball felt like a shotput. And Todd Greene, the catcher, looked really small. Sixty feet and six inches seemed like a half-mile. And anyway, I took a deep breath and threw it, and thankfully it went over the plate. The response was overwhelming. It was the most nervous I had ever been. It was the most nervous moment of my entire presidency, it turns out.

Oh, hahaha, so that’s how it turned out!! I always thought it turned out with thousands of Americans dead, even more thousands of Muslim civilians bombed, America’s 31st biggest city (but #1 biggest party city!) transformed into a new, modern-day Atlantis, and trillions & trillions of dollars in unpaid war debt!

On the bright side, at least Kanye didn’t call him a racist who doesn’t care about black people, because that would have been really tragic. Almost as tragic as caring about them enough to actually do anything to, oh, I don’t know, maybe help them during one of the worst natural disasters in American history.

Just a thought.

Seriously, that was some fucking pitch, though.

Now, if we could only have figured out a way to strike out the most nerve-wracking moment of his Presidency for the rest of us. I believe it was called the 2000s.

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