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The Lies That Bind: Mitt Romney Loves Women So Much He Has Binders Full Of Them

U Mad Bro?

Oh Mittens! Fresh off schooling President NOBAMA in the first debate through his devastating combo of shrieking, lying, and threatening to murder Big Bird, Mitt Romney was once again locked, loaded (I don’t mean $$$), and ready to Bain Capital the shit out of Barack Obama.

Are you ready to rumble, America?

Good because just like any presidential debate worth its weight in rude interruptions and awkward pauses, records will be smashed (officially the most black people Romney has ever talked to in a night!), positions will be clarified (in Mitt’s case, missionary style only!), moderators will be sacrificed, ladies will be put in their places (inside three-ring notebooks), and most importantly, internet memes will be created.

When the candidates weren’t too busy talking over each other, Mitt Romney was his usual stuttering mess, making weird, unsupported claims about how he totally supports chick workers having access to slut pills even if they work at holy places of God like chick-fil-A, and also blah blah, something about women and binders…

Wait, what??

“We took a concerted effort to go out and find women who had backgrounds that could be qualified to become members of our cabinet,” Romney said in response to President Obama’s touting of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. “I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

Sorry Beyoncé, but in that case, Ladies, better put three rings on it!

After all, Mitt Romney knows they don’t call them TrapHER KeepHERs for nothing.

[image via TalkingPointsMemo/Tumblr]

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