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Ah, Republicans. The kind of wonderful, caring, Constitution-loving individuals who know that when life hands you lemons, say, by getting incestuously raped and impregnated by your drunkard father, Jesus wants you to make lemon meringue pie in the form of Sharron Angle’s special, secret homemade recipe for coping with unspeakable tragedy (psst: it’s called insanity!). But [...] Oh no-zees! Another day, another weird, disturbing scandal involving some new Teabagging nutjob or another using disproportionate force to stomp on activist ladies’ heads, illegally arrest no-good journalists who dare ask so much as a single question, or dabble in witchcraft to wipe out the sinful scourge of self-pleasure across this great [...] Notorious New York hell monster Carl Paladino enjoys indulging in a few of life’s simpler pleasures: sending mindblowingly offensive, racist emails about Barry NObama (lol, negro president!), hot girl-on-horse porno videos, beating up no-good, prying reporters askin’ too many questions (maybe after he’s governor, he’ll answer your stinkin’ questions!), and saying whatever terrible, vulgar, repulsive [...] Delaware’s most cherished expert on witchcraft, scientifically engineered human mice geniuses, and fearless crusader for masturbation-free puritans across America, Christine O’Donnell, may be too good to touch her own sinful private place between her legs, but she is certainly not above pretending to have received various degrees from hoity toity accredited institutions like Oxford and [...] Rep. Mike Castle (R-DE) Stands Alone Eh, now turns out Castle’s actually not standing at all anymore, thanks to Sarah Palin endorsed doomed candidate and anti-masturbation crusader Christine O’ Donnell, the born again, slightly less adorable, substantially more crazy hell version of that cute Circle of Friends/Scent of a Woman actor with the same namesake minus [...] Hark, ye caffeinated patriots of the revolution! Rise up, err, or umm remain seated, ye lardbottoms on your ridiculous scooters, paid for by NObama’s Socialist Medicare, so you can stay politically active while remaining aerobically inactive, like true freedom fighters fulfilling MLK’s dream of equality and saturated-fat clogged arteries. Woohoo! On this most historic, miraculous God & [...] Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s paler, pudgier (un)civil rights “brother” Glenn Lee Beck and his army of Teabaggers will be descending on Washington, DC this weekend to commemorate the anniversary of MLK’s famous “I Have a Dream” speech for whatever reason mobs of angry white men choose to honor the nation’s foremost civil rights activists [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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