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Supreme Court To Decide If Gays Deserve To Be As Miserable & Undersexed As The Rest Of America

Hooray homosexuals, the magical time has come! The Supreme Court has finally decided to hear your queer cases about all the queer things you gays do, like gay serve in the military and get gay-married, in the hopes of maybe one day being treated like a normal, non-gay citizen of the United States […]

No Laughing Matter: Scott Brown's "Model" Justice Is All Of Them But Really Whoever People Like Best

Ah, the smell of manliness and money in the air can only mean one thing: debate time in Massachussets!

Get your abs chiseled, tomahawks chopping, racist Native American war-chants whooping, and get ready to watch Scott Brown show Elizabeth Warren a thing or two about why women are too stupid and weak to win […]

Supreme Court Gives ObamaCare Life While Wingnuts Mourn America's Death & Threaten To Bring Their Idiocy To Canada

America? Are you still there? Or have your majestic, blue bald eagle tears turned COMMIE RED, and your beautiful, once gold-paved streets turned into the bleak, dusty ruble-lined hellscape of SOVIET RUSSIA, now that the Supreme Court has done the unthinkable and upheld Obama’s communist socialist maoist Kenyan anti-colonial health care plan to bring America […]

Justice Antonin Scalia Never Met A Hunt He Didn't Like, Including Arizona's "Hunt Brown People" Law

Supreme asshole and constant reminder of all that is wrong with our nation’s legal system, Justice Antonin Scalia did not disappoint in his latest opportunity to ruin America with terrible legislation aimed at those least able to defend themselves: the terrible, no good Mexicans.

You see, Scalia has never met a bad law he didn’t like, […]

Justice Antonin Scalia Is Turning Elena Kagan Into A Hunter & Hopefully Into The Next Mounted Trophy On His Wall

NOOOOOOOOO! NO, Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan! Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go hunting with Antonin Scalia.  Do not exchange the black robe for a camouflage vest. Do not lace up your hiking boots or sharpen your bowie knife.  Do not load your double-barreled shotgun. And whatever you do, DO NOT get in unmarked, […]

Turns Out Obama's Health Care Plan Does Include A Death Panel & It's Called The Supreme Court

While black teens in hoodies were being murdered for the terrible crime of WWBIGC (Walking While Black In Gated Communities), the nine Supremely irritating muumuus on the nation’s High Court were chomping at the bit for some reason, any reason, to do away with that no-good Obama and his awful, un-American desire to have a […]

Supremely Scary: Nine Rich, Old People In Robes To Decide Fate Of Nation's Health Care

Rejoice, America! Barack Obama’s signature Socialist legislation, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, which doesn’t so much insure all Americans with actual health care as it does no longer allow billionaire health care executives to cackle wildly while doing the jitterbug on the sick, weakened bodies of children denied coverage, is finally […]

The Daily Caller Hires Ginni Thomas In The Hopes That She'll Stop Calling Women To Demand Apologies For Being Sexually Harassed By Her Husband

Ginni Thomas, the loyal lobbyist Teabagging wife of Supremely silent and Supremely sexy Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, has taken the next step in her professional journey of weird, quasi-legal, likely immoral influence-peddling conservative jobs, most recently accepting the not-at-all interest conflicting “special correspondent” position at the appropriately special needs wingnut website, The Daily Caller.

Hooray?

That’s […]

Supreme Court Rules Wacko Westboro Church's Picketing Soldiers' Funerals Is Free Speech; Sadly Same Goes For Sarah Palin's 140-Character Ghostwritten Tributes To Herself

When not granting sleazy mega corporations the same rights, privileges, and fabulous new ability to donate as much cold, hard cash to political campaigns as your average Snuggie-wearing schlub on the sofa stuffing Pringles in his mouth, the Supreme Court is busy doing other vital things, like coming thisclose to unanimously ruling in favor of […]

The Supremely Sordid Tale Of Justice Clarence Thomas, His Crazy Wife Ginni, & A 7 A.M. Phone Call No One In Their Right Mind Should Ever Make

Ooooh, A Supreme Love Triangle!

Hmmm, a word of advice to anyone whose spouse has been accused of sexual harassment, whether it is during their very contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing or not: do not, I repeat, do not call the accuser out of the blue at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning politely asking for […]