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Pop quiz: What does a failed, anti-gay, conservative Christian politician do two years after losing his 2009 campaign to become Alabama’s newest, craziest, wingnut governor? If you guessed embark on a lesbian-impregnating rampage in New Zealand, despite his own homophobic past and without the knowledge of his two-time Mrs. America finalist wife, give yourself a round [...] Horny Godfather of grabassery Herman No He Cain’t has gone and done the unthinkable. No, no, not shove another unsuspecting woman’s head into his crotch or offer financial assistance to a dear “friend” by secretly putting his penis into her vagina at various hotels around the country. The other unthinkable thing, effectively ending his hilarious [...] Ah, remember the good old days when the conveniently vague, creepy sexual harassment accusations against everyone’s favorite Black Walnut/Godfather of unwanted sexual advances Herman Cain were kept secret from the innocent, tender ears of the American people, so as to spare us the sordid details of all the gross sexytime things Herman Cain likes to [...] Sacré bleu! International Man of Mystery Monetary Fund chief (aka the man in charge of the world’s cash money) Dominique Strauss-Kahn was hauled off an Air France flight (first class, of course!) minutes before take-off all because cops say he tried to rape a lowly hotel maid before hightailing his pricey li’l derrière to the [...] New York’s finest, freakiest, Craigslist trolling Republican House Representative, Chris Lee, was actually trying to hook up with a human female on the Internet, which is odd because everyone knows Republicans prefer their secret sexytime trysts be with undercover male cops in airport men’s rooms, or at the very least, hot, sexy, underage go-getters padding [...] Ooooh, A Supreme Love Triangle! Hmmm, a word of advice to anyone whose spouse has been accused of sexual harassment, whether it is during their very contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing or not: do not, I repeat, do not call the accuser out of the blue at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning politely asking for [...] Is Michael Eyeing Another Prime Chance To Screw His Party? Perpetual butt of late night talk shows and even-later night scandals involving lesbian bondage clubs, big pimpin’ RNC Chairman Michael Steele has finally stepped up and taken responsibility for the Republican Party’s reckless, sexytime spending sprees at various, upscale lezzy S&M clubs, if by “stepping [...] Hey America, it’s me, Bristol coming to you live (and most certainly edited) to give you, the public, a very important public service announcement about what happens when you, the bored daughter of Alaskan royalty, decide to get drunk and make maverick (aka no jimmy hat) sexytime with hotty boy toy Levi Johnston in the [...] With the Grand Old Party of family values and straight, missionary-style sex only, feelin’ the burning red heat over the latest Republican donor scandal involving the usual multi-thousand dollar spending sprees at various, upscale bondage-themed Lezzy clubs, the real question on everyone’s mind is which of our esteemed two political parties (of honor, integrity, and [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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