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Forget the pesky equal-rights demanding gays or the gross poors, this time the ever-righteous, morally pure Grand Old Prophets of Divinity here on Earth have turned their seething, beautifully white hot, perfectly rational rage towards a much more cunning adversary: the Godless n’er-do-well Democrats. Ugh, the nerve of those bastards trying to actually get critical legislation [...] Everyone makes mistakes, Mark Kirk just makes a lot of them. Usually, at the absolute worst time possible. Like, say, two weeks before Senate elections, bad timing! For the most part, Mr. Kirk has managed to keep his lies, distortions, exaggerations, and various f**k-ups out of the prying public eye, save for a few concocted claims [...] Congratulations America! All your hard work, tireless efforts, and Cindy McCain’s beer money have finally paid off because John McCain, THE John McCain, has officially defeated certified nutjob and After losing whatever semblance of a sane mind still remained in the ol’ tank, due to a powerful combination of both the scorching desert heat and a horseback riding nutjob gunning for the old man’s senate seat, John McCain suddenly realized there’s really nowhere farther to fall once you’ve reached rock bottom. Which can be so [...] Frustrated over the excruciatingly slow, molasses-like pace of financial reform in the Senate, courtesy of the Grand Obstructionist Party’s reluctance to so much as even open debate (it only took three separate tries!) or move forward in any way, shape, or form (progress is evil!), sweet talkin’ senate majority leader “Dirty” Harry Reid blasted the [...] Oh No, Not Again! New “bipartisan” financial legislation, supported by the vast majority of poor, hardworking losers like you and me, to help reign in Wall Street and put an end to not-at-all-selfish, bad-mortgage derivatives and other “fun” number games used by major banks to bet against their own investors, and screw over the [...] Oops, Reality Must Have Caught Mitch Off Guard Again! Wah Wah! No fair! She hit me first! He pulled my hair! Wah Wah! Like everything else they handle so impressively well, the Republicans’ uncanny ability to face facts and accept defeat like mature, responsible adults elected by the people to represent the people, was in full effect [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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