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Marco Rubio Is An Idiot, Not A Scientist, Automatically Qualifying Him As 2016 GOP Frontrunner

The Grand Old Party of Grandfatherly Old White Men hasn’t been doing so hot with the under 65, non-racist, non-legitimate rape-and-fetus-obsessed crowd, probably because they’re usually too busy condemning them to hell instead.

Good thing, there is one young, strapping, hip-hop lovin’ Cuban man ready to rise from the Mitt Romney-tinged ashes of the Republican Party […]

GOP Senate Hopeful Todd Akin's So Busy Learning About "Legitimate" Vs. "Illegitimate" Rape, He Forgot To Learn To Be A Legitimate Candidate

Missouri Congressman, GOP Senate candidate, and living proof of the theory of devolution, Todd Akin knows a few things about the female anatomy, particularly when it comes to the magical powers of women’s reproductive systems, which if you didn’t know, are able to transform into vaginal panic rooms in case of emergencies, like rape.

Because while you […]

NJ Governor Chris Christie Won't Say If He Believes In Evolution, But Admits His Deep Belief In Second Helpings

New Jersey Governor of Sandwiches, Chris (yes, I have the same name twice) Christie was either in a terrible mood, terribly hungry, or terribly confused when he mistook a reporter for a patty melt, because he practically bit her head off for asking a simple, innocent question, if he believes in evolution or the […]

New Study Proves What We All Suspected: It's Not A Person's Fault They're Conservative, It's Their Damaged Brain!

Bored sexless scientists in dreary old Londontowne, England have discovered what most of humanity has already long suspected: scientists are boring, socially awkward, sexually deprived dweebs with a bit too much time on their hands. Err, wait, we didn’t need a study to prove that.

What we did (apparently) need a study to prove, however, is […]