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Rick Perry Denies Medical Coverage For Millions Of Texans, Bringing New Meaning To The Words "Texas Toast"

Coyote-and-criminal-killing governor of drunken idiocy Texas, Rick Perry, is not about to stand back and watch while his fellow wingnut governors from equally awful, deadbeat states steal all his thunder by rejecting the big, bad gubmint’s evil plans to expand Medicaid and help insure millions of Texans without access to medical coverage.

Aww, hell no! You […]

Texas GOP Bans 'Critical Thinking' In Schools Because Knowledge Is For Godless Commies & Queer Democrats (AKA All Non-Texas Residents)

Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the huge, swinging cojones of the Grand Old Party in Grand Old Texas.

Hell, just look at their latest, greatest platform outlining the GOP’s brilliant (by Texas standards, retarded to everyone else) policies for 2012. Wait, or was it 1220? I can never remember!

Middle Aged men, the Middle Ages, is there […]

Obama Administration Announces Global Quest To Save Gay People; Rick Perry Denounces It In Personal Quest To Save Himself From Seeming Like A Good Person

Normal, sane folk who don’t convulse uncontrollably at the idea of actually making dare I say, progress in the treatment of fellow human beings, felt an overwhelming sense of pride as Barack Obama announced that the United States “would use all the tools of American diplomacy, including the potent enticement of foreign aid, to promote […]

Not Even Rick Perry Is Drinking Rick Perry's Kool-Aid, Unless It's Spiked With Bacardi, Served With An Umbrella Straw & Moves Elections To An Imaginary Date In Some Drunk Fool's Mind

When not embarrassing himself on national teevee by forgetting which of the big, bad, Socialist, gubmint programs he can’t wait to get rid of (edukayshun?) in the middle of a prime-time Republican debate, Slick Rick Perry is usually content to just get drunk and embarrass himself away from the bright glare of the spotlight, like, […]

Texas GOP Candidate Spends His Days Talking To Donkeys, Which Is Still More Enlightening Than Talking To Rick Perry

Nothing screams leadership more than a man whose idea of an effective political ad campaign is to talk patriotism to a horde of dim, braying donkeys, also known as jackasses, as though they were good-for-nothing, godless socialist human welfare parasites, also known as gross poor people. Wait, or is it Democrats?

Amiright?

Thank Jesus GOP Texas congressional […]

True Men Don't Kill Coyotes, They Kill Federal Reserve Chairmen!

Heil Jesus?

Memo to Rick Perry: Don’t hold your arm like that. Especially at a podium with a microphone in front of a crowd. I mean seriously. Don’t even let your arm do that for a second. Not even one second. Just a suggestion.

Then again, Slick Rick was never one to take advice from anyone. That’s […]

WWJD? Probably Anything But Ask Rick Perry & His Crazy People Revival For Help!

Read My Lips. No New Texans!

It is no secret that God has been keeping all the rain to himself (mastery of the universe sure makes a deity thirsty!) and shooting fire and brimstone at the morality-crazed wingnuts in the American South like some wild, hormone-crazed, undersexed teenager furiously firing BB pellets at empty beer cans […]