Categories

Archives

How Randy! Rand Paul's Drunk Teenage Son Arrested For Loving Freedom (And Airplane-Size Bottles Of Bourbon)

Guess what, America? While you were wasting your weekend drinking overpriced, oddly-named craft beer in actual eating establishments, 19-year-old fellow oddly-named son of Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and grandson of Libertarian Jesus Ron Paul, “William Hilton Paul” wasted no time ingratiating himself into our hearts by getting wasted–and arrested–aboard a U.S. Airways flight from Kentucky […]

Rand Paul Doesn't Think Obama's Views On Marriage Could Get Any Gayer, Much Like His Skin Color Couldn't Get Any Blacker

If there’s one thing America simply cannot get enough of, it is the rich, racist, radical Kentucky-fried-son-of-a-wingnut whose not-so-evolved views on homosexuality and civil rights make even his ancient cryptkeeper father, Papa Ron, seem normal by comparison.

Almost.

Good thing Rand Paul will do whatever it takes, blurt whatever comes out of his big, white power […]

Dr. Ron Paul's Disaster Relief Rx: Take Two Pills & Call Someone Who Actually Gives A Sh*t

America’s favorite crazy old uncle and beloved Libertarian Jesus, Ron Paul, knows a few things about disasters (his son Rand, every presidential campaign he’s ever run, the toxic waste that spews every time he opens his mouth, hell, his whole freakin’ life!), which is why he knows the best response to a national catastrophe is […]

Hooray! Ron Paul Wins CPAC Straw Poll For The Chance To Be President...Of Losing To Obama

Woohoo, wingnut America!

After three days of endless shrieking and shouting about the bountiful beauty of trickle down economics (make it rain, Ronnie Reagan, make it rain!), the unspeakable evils of a woman having rights over her own dumb, slutty body, and, of course, the insufferable Donald Trump going on and on about how much richer […]

Rand Paul's Headstomping Supporter Demands Apology For Some Scary Activist Lady's Head Falling Under His Innocent Shoe

Oh no-zees! Another day, another weird, disturbing scandal involving some new Teabagging nutjob or another using disproportionate force to stomp on activist ladies’ heads, illegally arrest no-good journalists who dare ask so much as a single question, or dabble in witchcraft to wipe out the sinful scourge of self-pleasure across this great […]

As If The Cordoba House Wasn't Enough, Now The Muslims Are Coming After The Paul House Too!

A House Divided Cannot Stand, Even A House Of Pauls!

Ooooh, are America’s favorite “Dr. R. Pauls” (as in Ron the elder and Rand the dumber) in the middle of a heated Muslim ‘n mosque-fueled fight??

But how could Rand’s deliciously red, Christian apple fall so far from father’s tree? Surely, Jesus did not die for our […]

Foot, Meet Mouth: Six Reasons Why The GOP Doesn’t Need Deep Sea Oil Rigs To Spew Toxic Goo From Gaping Holes

If you thought BP was the only one spillin’ baby spillin’ toxic oily goo uncontrollably out of big, leaking holes, think again my friends!

Never underestimate the Grand Oil Puppets’ uncanny ability to take a national disaster of epic proportions, and use the tragedy for their own personal and political gain by saying something even more […]

What’s The Scariest Thing To Come Out Of Kentucky? No, Not The New Double Down, Rand Paul, Silly!

Howdy y’all! By now, I’m sure you’ve heard the wonderful news about how Libertarian hero Ron Paul’s more insane, even wingnuttier son, Rand Paul, won the Republican Senate nomination in good, ol’ colonel-fried Kentucky.

Which is VERY EXCITING news, if like Paul, you too are a right wing extremist who really, really, really despises the evil, […]

The GOP's Spectacular Special Election Failure, Round One (Of Many)

Oh sweet Jesus, this feels good! After months of agonizing GOP shrieks and wild bonfire dancing over the Democrats all-but-certain election Obamageddon, thanks to all the alleged GOP momentum following Scott Brown’s birthday suit surprise victory in Massachusetts, the time has come to laugh, baby laugh your liberal elitist arugula-eating asses off at what happens […]