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DEMOCRALYPSE 2012: DID OBAMA WIN THE ELECTION?? YES HE DID!

OMG, IT”S HERE!

The day we’ve all been waiting for, if only to never have to hear the words Mitt Romney or bayonets or “binders full of women” ever again. But mostly Mitt Romney.

ELECTION DAY!

So, alas, America, who will it be??

Will Mitt Romney win the hearts and minds of America by convincing them he […]

New Totally Non-Racist Ohio Ad Kindly Asks Black People To Vote For Mitt Romney Because Abraham Lincoln Freed The Slaves, Duh!

Wassup black people? This one stock photo black guy with a booming voice and weird Mormon-ish look about him has a MAJOR REVELATION for you, black Americans living in Ohio.

Now take off your Beats by Dre Headphones and listen because this is important (unlike say, you people, in non-election years).

It is a BIG […]

President Obama Diagnoses Mitt Romney With "Romnesia," The Mysterious Disease That Causes Him To Forget His Own Positions

Dr. Barack H. Obama, MD has seen the symptoms – the backtracking & sidestepping, the flipping & flopping, the waffling and wavering – and is ready to diagnose rival Mitt Romney with what’s been ailing him.

Looks like Mr. “Severely Conservative” has a severe case of Romnesia, a condition he’s been suffering from all […]

The Lies That Bind: Mitt Romney Loves Women So Much He Has Binders Full Of Them

U Mad Bro?

Oh Mittens! Fresh off schooling President NOBAMA in the first debate through his devastating combo of shrieking, lying, and threatening to murder Big Bird, Mitt Romney was once again locked, loaded (I don’t mean $$$), and ready to Bain Capital the shit out of Barack Obama.

Are you ready to rumble, America?

Good […]

Bye Bye Birdie: Fightin' Mitt Romney Brings His Knack For Firing People To Prime Time!

Well hellooooo America! In case you missed Wednesday night’s 90-minute tragicomedy, fear not my friend, because the Internets have got you covered!

And the winner is…you, America! For having the privilege of witnessing Jim Lehrer get emasculated by Mitt Romney, who will tell him when he’s done speaking, GOD DAMN IT!

“NO, I AM NOT DONE, JIM. […]

Mitt Romney Can't Even Lead A Chant Of His Own Name Without Giving The World Douche Chills

You know things are bad when not a single day goes by without you inadvertently making an ass of yourself, giving the American people yet another a reason to point their finger and laugh at your flailing, almost cartoonish incompetence.

And whether it is telling 47% of the public to go f**k themselves and their poor, […]

What Is White, Brown, & Smug All Over? Mitt Romney Courting Latino Voters

¡Ay, caramba!

Desperate times call for desperate measures. And if there were ever a presidential candidate well versed in the realm of desperation, it is undoubtedly Mitt Romney.

You see, Mittens has had a very tough week! After all, it’s not every day that a secret video leaks with the GOP nominee insulting 47% of […]

Money Talks: In Mitt Romney's Case It Also Offends

Oh Mittens! He’s just like you, America, except that he grew up the privileged son of a Governor and went to elitist east coast prep schools followed by elitist east coast Ivy League universities where he met all kinds of powerful people who could help him amass the kind of ungodly wealth that makes car […]

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Except If You're Republican & Your Boyfriend Is A Cardboard Cutout Of Barack Obama

It is no secret that Republicans loooove to carry on fake conversations with inanimate objects pretending to be their #1 enemy Barack Hussein Obama. For one thing, they never talk back or flash a charming smile or even so much as a single cogent thought from their non-existent heads. Just the way Republicans […]

Hurricane Trump Roars Through Florida, Tells Rich Lady Arianna To Huff Off On Twitter

Comic book villain and talking hairpiece The Donald Trump took to the Twitternets to discuss the relative bangability of non-paying, celebrity sideboob blogmaster extraordinaire, Arianna Huffington.

And guess what, Arianna, you’re fired!

Except for beautiful wifeys #1 & #3, women with accents make him sicker than that Socialist negro NOBAMA in the White House.

Which is […]