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Congratulations, America! The moment we’ve all been waiting for—and Republicans have been warning us about—is finally here, and it’s most definitely queer. At the stroke of midnight on Tuesday, the terrible, nearly two decades old discriminatory policy banning gays and lezzies from being all they can be as loud ‘n proud members of the U.S. military [...] Rejoice America because John McCain’s deranged, one-man stinky rotten loser, raging bull destroy-Obama crusade to keep awful gay and lesbian soldiers from admitting they’re in fact awful gay and lesbian soldiers is now as dead as the old man’s last remaining neurons and synapses. Thanks to the tireless efforts of the usually insufferable but occasionally decent, [...] Oh no, not them pesky ne’r-do-well gays again! Sure, more and more Americans are increasingly supportive of and comfortable with “gays” and “woman gays” aka “lesbians” serving openly in the military because, umm, last I checked this was the 21st century not the late cretaceous period when John McCain was still just a primordial twinkle in [...] OMG! Guess what little gay and lezzy monsters across America?? Your little “rights” struggles are over! Done, dunzo, finito, Ga-Ga-gonzo! Oh, wait never mind, you’re all still totally screwed, despite Lady Gaga donning a hotttt meat dress, and p-p-p-poking her face all around Maine, trying to convince the last two “moderate” (aka not completely insane) Senator [...] The Jesus Christ moral patrol on the right and assorted other Earthly messengers of God are always prattling on and on about how wicked gays are sashaying across America trying to gay marry and gay soldier, and basically spread their gross gayness on decent, upstanding straights from San Francisco to Soho. This aggression cannot stand! Before we [...] It’s been several days, (weeks even!) since the last prominent, vehemently anti-gay Republican got outed as a secret, terrible homosexual. This is highly unusual! So, naturally the time has come to unveil the latest member of the “is-he-or-isn’t-he-a-secret-gay-hypocrite-club,” Illinois Republican and military award exaggerator extraordinaire, the one, the only, Mark Steven Kirk. Hooray! It’s [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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