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Supreme asshole and constant reminder of all that is wrong with our nation’s legal system, Justice Antonin Scalia did not disappoint in his latest opportunity to ruin America with terrible legislation aimed at those least able to defend themselves: the terrible, no good Mexicans. You see, Scalia has never met a bad law he didn’t like, [...] When you think of crazed, Mexican-hating, wingnut Arizona sheriffs, normally the first thing that comes to mind is a crazed, gay, Mexican-hating, wingnut Arizona sheriff who hates his own hideous homo self even more than the terrible Mexicans he’s always shrieking about, that he actually tries to deport his gay Mexican lover for the terrible [...] Whether he’s touting his foreign policy skills by grunting nonsense syllables like “Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan” or rescuing the nation’s economy by changing from the gold standard of coins to the Godfather standard of pepperoni slices, and installing the wacko, fictional tax plan he stole from SimCity 4 that repeats the arbitrary number “9″ three times while taxing [...] Since there is no Buy It Now button to instantly purchase the utterly unwanted job of California Governor, eBay Power Seller™ and notorious employee abuser Meg Whitman is instead forced to engage in a bidding war, like some petty commoner, in the hopes that it is indeed possible for the one-time CEO of the [...] Heroic Nazi-hunting Governor Jan Brewer is ready to lead the great Mexican-huntin’, parched desert wasteland formerly known as Arizona, back to its White Power glory days…err, if she could only remember a single reason why or even a single word of her favoritest English language! Warning: It’s very painful. Or as Politico’s Ben Smith notes, “reflects [...] “America, Arizona we’re all struggling. I can’t think of a time in my life when we had bigger or more vital issues at stake than today.” In fact, Gramps over here can’t remember very much of anything these days! Ehhh, where was I? Ah, yes… “The rebuilding of our economy, the security of our nation, our border, [...] If You Build It, They Won’t Come! Hooray, America! Congress has saved the nation from the menacing brown threat streaming uncontrollably in from the sun ‘n drug-soaked south to steal our jobs, sex-up our supple wives & daughters, and show us dumb gringos how a real Salsa Verde is made. So now that Congress has passed this [...] The world’s dopiest illegal stasher of $7 million secret RNC debt, Chairman Michael Steele (who else, yo?) and most deviant duper of liberals and black racists in the White House and NAACP, right-wing media monster mogul Andrew Breitbart are joining forces to create the biggest, most bad-ass fund-raising juggernaut the Republicans, no, make that the [...] To most average Americans, or at least those of us still blessed with a full set of teeth and the ability to formulate a single coherent English sentence without the words “sp*cs” or “n*ggers,” Arizona’s awesome, new ¡Adiós Amigos! law stemming the tide of gross border jumping beans streaming into the good ol’ US of [...] Oh goody, America! Just when you thought Arizona couldn’t get any more creepily racist and crazy, the Union’s original black sheep goes and does something not totally gut-wrenching and horrible, dare we say even slightly normal, and we once again find ourselves confused as to the true identity of America’s favorite wayward state of Mexi huntin’ [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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