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Andrew Breitbart Shocks The World By Pulling His Biggest Stunt Yet: Dropping Dead

Right wing internet provocateur or as Alec Baldwin so eloquently put it, “festering boil on the anus of public discourse,” Andrew Breitbart, has died in Los Angeles at age 43 “of natural causes.”

Which for a conservative typically means asphyxiating on a ball-gag in full latex body suit while strapped to a wall in a dank, […]

Poll: Fox News Viewers Less Informed Than Those Who Read No News; Which Is Weird Because Fox News Hosts Believe Pepper Spray Is A "Food Product, Essentially"

OMG, did you hear the crazy, Earth-shattering, mind-blowing news? No, no not that fat, crazed, out-of-control cops are pepper-spraying college students eyeballs out, macing old ladies, stomping on peaceful protesters, billy clubbing defenseless women and children, and bloodying the faces of law-abiding citizens in every major city around the country. The other headline-busting story about […]

A Quitter Never Wins & A Winner Never Quits, Which Is Why Sarah Palin Will Just Go Ahead & Be A Loser Who Always Quits

Take a deep breath, America. Sarah Palin’s awful, vomit-inducing, toxic reign of idiocy is officially over. It’s true! On the momentous 5th day of October in the 2011th year of mankind, the nation’s, no, no, make that the world’s, most famous grifter-quitter-grandma from hell (aka Wasilla), Sarah Louise Palin, aka Lou Sarah aka Mama Grizz […]

The Wheels On The Bus Go Round & Round, Except In Sarah Palin's Case When They Get Dizzy & Quit

While the world was busy pouring over silly, trivial summer news stories like illegal wars in Libya, the Grand Old Party’s Grand Old War on poor people, and esteemed members of Congress tweeting fuzzy pics of their own esteemed members, the rest of us were breathlessly waiting for real, important news stories about Sarah Palin […]

The Daily Caller Hires Ginni Thomas In The Hopes That She'll Stop Calling Women To Demand Apologies For Being Sexually Harassed By Her Husband

Ginni Thomas, the loyal lobbyist Teabagging wife of Supremely silent and Supremely sexy Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, has taken the next step in her professional journey of weird, quasi-legal, likely immoral influence-peddling conservative jobs, most recently accepting the not-at-all interest conflicting “special correspondent” position at the appropriately special needs wingnut website, The Daily Caller.

Hooray?

That’s […]

Michele Bachmann: Media Reporting All The Dumb Things I Say Either Proves Liberal Bias, Or That I Am Just An Idiot

Insane Minnesota hellwoman Michele Bachmann knows a few things. Okay, okay, so maybe not where the 1775 battles of Lexington and Concord were fought (Massachusetts, not New Hampshire) or even which state was the one with “the shot heard around the world,” (Again, Massachusetts, not New Hampshire), or what the hell New Hampshire is anyway, […]

OMG, Glenn Beck's Deteriorating Ratings (& Mind!) May Get Him Dropped From Fox In A Massive Conspiracy To Stop It From Being The Golden-Voiced Homeless Man Of News Networks

There goes the price of gold gold-plated coins!

The arugula-eating liberal elitists over at the New York Times have peered into their (Swarovski) crystal ball to see what the future holds for America’s #1 favoritest golden haired weeping prophet of doom, Glenn Beck, and his one-man amateur puppet show/truth crusade at Fox News.

And much like the […]

Sarah Palin's State Of Her Living Room Address To A Grieving Nation (Psst: Jews Eat Christian Babies!)

Everyone knows that the real victim of the recent tragedy in Arizona isn’t the innocent little 9-year-old girl who was shot dead, the young Democratic congresswoman in critical condition with a bullet lodged inside her brain, or even any of the 20 other individuals killed or wounded at the hands of a Glock-totin’ desert dwelling […]

Eric Cantor & GOP Productions Present The Official Freshmen Survival Guide Warning Dumb, New Republicans Not To Pull Usual Dumb, Old Tricks

Between hours of boring lectures on the floor by day and secret orgies with orange Boehners by night, Congress can be a very scary place!

Good thing the #2 ranked House Republican, but #1 most caring member, Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, is looking out for his fellow incoming Grand Old Party members still enjoying Freshman […]

Sarah Palin Is Confident She Can Beat Barack Obama; Good Thing Sarah Palin's Reality Only Exists On TV

OMG America, did you hear the awesome, exciting, Earth-shattering news?? Sarah Louise Palin, the Sarah Louise Palin of the Snowy North, is “seriously considering” running for President of the world in 2012!?

WOOHOO!!!

Oh, and no need to wish her luck either because SarBear is simply positive she’ll have no trouble beating that no-good Barack NObama has-been […]