Congratulations America! All your hard work, tireless efforts, and Cindy McCain’s beer money have finally paid off because John McCain, THE John McCain, has officially defeated certified nutjob and
world-famous infomercial star J.D. Hayworth to win Arizona’s Senate seat and return once again to Washington, DC to give the nation another six years (at least!) of [...]
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
|
Much like Gramps McCain and the rest of the old, creepy Republicans desperately trying to recapture their-once youthful glow by mastering the art, no make that the science, of popular tween social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook before him, a new, even creepier Asian kid has decided to join the rest of [...] “America, Arizona we’re all struggling. I can’t think of a time in my life when we had bigger or more vital issues at stake than today.” In fact, Gramps over here can’t remember very much of anything these days! Ehhh, where was I? Ah, yes… “The rebuilding of our economy, the security of our nation, our border, [...] “You know, look, I know it’s babies we’re talking about and it’s hard to be tough on babies but let’s remember we’re talking about illegal aliens coming to this country for the purpose of birthing a child, not because they love the kid, cause they want that child to provide them the [...] Oh no-zees! All $arah Palin wanted to do was take a much-needed break from her hectic life giving slightly different versions of the same dumb campaign speech at various conventions, trade shows, and wingnut rallies for oodles of delicious, cold hard cash, and head back home to relax with the fam at her lakeside abode [...] OMG! Did you hear the amazing, Earth-shattering news? Barack Obama has finally given the ol’ presidential stamp of approval on a compromise to repeal the Pentagon’s wonderful “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” policy, which effectively bars gross gay people from risking their pathetic, sinful lives and serve in the United States military, like the rest of [...] Oh sweet Jesus, this feels good! After months of agonizing GOP shrieks and wild bonfire dancing over the Democrats all-but-certain election Obamageddon, thanks to all the alleged GOP momentum following Scott Brown’s birthday suit surprise victory in Massachusetts, the time has come to laugh, baby laugh your liberal elitist arugula-eating asses off at what happens [...] After losing whatever semblance of a sane mind still remained in the ol’ tank, due to a powerful combination of both the scorching desert heat and a horseback riding nutjob gunning for the old man’s senate seat, John McCain suddenly realized there’s really nowhere farther to fall once you’ve reached rock bottom. Which can be so [...] Wingnuts from sea to shining sea, across this great land, are coming out in droves over the arrest of would-be Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad, each with their own unique perspective on how best to (mis)treat this awful terror suspect, and deny him his constitutional rights as a naturalized American citizen. Hooray! But with so many [...] Welcome, America to the newest member of the Wild, Wild West, everyone’s favorite Mexican’ hatin’, trashy wasteland of parched desert, crumbling business, and misguided legislation, the lighter, purer, swastika peppered land of Aryanzona! Yay! But just in case you’re one of those hoity-toity, arugula eating liberals who just hates it when dumb, sparsely [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Copyright © 2010 Democralypse Now – The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites - All Rights Reserved |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||