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Dick Cheney Doesn't Need Some Stupid Pulse To Continue Living, You Mortal Fools!

Two-time vice-presidential dark lord of the underworld Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. Tragic, but true!

Sadly, the beloved 69-year-old white-haired hero of Iraq/Waterboarding/Enron/Katrina, five-time heart attack survivor, and grandfather to all, Dick Cheney now has a “ventricular assist device” — or a dual-battery heart pump —implanted in his chest with […]

The Beat Goes On: The Still Pumping (Though Still Not Feeling) “Heart” Of Deadeye Dick

There may be ten (declassified?) ways America’s former Vice President of Doom Darth Vader Dick Cheney can kill you, and likely rip your-still beating heart right out of your chest, but oddly enough, there only seems to be one way to kill him, err at least try. But, much like his eight-year reign of hell, […]