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Minnesota hellwoman and (un)equal rights warrior Michele Bachmann is no stranger to fighting for the little people, those least able to speak for themselves, like the li’l fairy living inside Marcus and the various insane voices living inside her head. Which is why Michele is working hard to ensure that the civil rights of all Americans [...] Congratulations, America! The moment we’ve all been waiting for—and Republicans have been warning us about—is finally here, and it’s most definitely queer. At the stroke of midnight on Tuesday, the terrible, nearly two decades old discriminatory policy banning gays and lezzies from being all they can be as loud ‘n proud members of the U.S. military [...] Uganda’s enlightened 15th century 21st century bill condemning terrible, no-good gays & lezzies, and all “active homosexuals living with HIV” to death (and probably not by chocolate!) or at the very least, life imprisonment for anyone known to participate in “homosexual acts,” has been temporarily shelved, and only partially because it is batsh*t [...] The long-lost, kindred spirit of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Dr. Sarah Louise Palin, Jr. Varsity Basketball Captain of Wasilla High, is just positive the good Dr. King would be sooooooo very proud of her (and her KKK rally!) for fulfilling his hard-fought vision of true justice and equality for all (white Christian males) on [...] Rejoice America because John McCain’s deranged, one-man stinky rotten loser, raging bull destroy-Obama crusade to keep awful gay and lesbian soldiers from admitting they’re in fact awful gay and lesbian soldiers is now as dead as the old man’s last remaining neurons and synapses. Thanks to the tireless efforts of the usually insufferable but occasionally decent, [...] Oh no, not them pesky ne’r-do-well gays again! Sure, more and more Americans are increasingly supportive of and comfortable with “gays” and “woman gays” aka “lesbians” serving openly in the military because, umm, last I checked this was the 21st century not the late cretaceous period when John McCain was still just a primordial twinkle in [...] Everyone knows John and Cindy McCain have the bestest, most blissfully beautiful, perfectly God-blessed heterosexual marriage of convenience this great land has ever seen. It’s true! For her part, Cindy does bring plenty to the table, like her unique, one-of-a-kind rich trophy wife good looks, senile old man appeal, as much of daddy’s hard-earned Anheuser-Busch beer [...] Notorious New York hell monster Carl Paladino enjoys indulging in a few of life’s simpler pleasures: sending mindblowingly offensive, racist emails about Barry NObama (lol, negro president!), hot girl-on-horse porno videos, beating up no-good, prying reporters askin’ too many questions (maybe after he’s governor, he’ll answer your stinkin’ questions!), and saying whatever terrible, vulgar, repulsive [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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