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Just Because He Didn't Say It, Doesn't Mean It's Not True

It’s still the smartest thing he’s ever said. Or not said. Seriously, does it even matter anymore?

#GoTrumpYourself #TrumpFacts #AsRealAsMeredithMcIver #AsRealAsHisHair #DumbRepublicans

[via Snopes]

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Hurricane Trump Roars Through Florida, Tells Rich Lady Arianna To Huff Off On Twitter

Comic book villain and talking hairpiece The Donald Trump took to the Twitternets to discuss the relative bangability of non-paying, celebrity sideboob blogmaster extraordinaire, Arianna Huffington.

And guess what, Arianna, you’re fired!

Except for beautiful wifeys #1 & #3, women with accents make him sicker than that Socialist negro NOBAMA in the White House.

Which is […]

Hey America, The Donald Knows What's Weird & It Isn't Whatever Died On Top Of His Head

America’s most beloved human hairpiece and billionaire cartoon character THE Donald Trump took a break from the usual destroying people’s lives and slathering Crisco on his already unnaturally orange body to assume his rightful place as the #1 undisputed authority on all things weird.

Even weirder is that his name was actually “Soetoro.” But hey, fuggedaboutit!

Cause […]

Osama Bin Laden Sleeps With The Fishes Thanks To Badass Barry & His Mysterious Ability To Not Be A Total Failure Like The Last Cowboy-In-Chief

Woohoo America, Osama bin Laden is finally as dead as Donald Trump’s chances of ever being hired as anything but a bad reality teevee host, courtesy of an elitist red, white, and blue, Obama-approved bullet to the brain by U.S. special forces during a firefight at his secret mansion/military compound in Pakistan. REALLY, GUY!? A […]

Offensive, Racist Emails About Obama's Birthplace? Just (Monkey) Business As Usual For The Republicans!

When not participating in their other favorite pastime shrieking Muslim slurs at frightened children and their families attending a charity event, conservatives in Orange County, California typically return to their good, old fashioned racist roots in the form of some hilarious black-president-is-a-Socialist-monkey-from-Kenya email, picture, or other awesomely bigoted internet-related humor.

And guess what people?? They’re getting […]

Donald Trump: "I've Always Had A Great Relationship With The Blacks!" It's "The Brains" He's Always Had Trouble With!

Yo, yo, wassup America? Dis here’s da Donald comin’ at cha live and in (unnaturally orange) color. So fresh and so clean, cause you know that be how the Trump Daddy rolls!

So what’s got Trump Dizzle trippin, you ask?

Lord knows it ain’t for lack of scrilla, amiright? Holla!

Thankfully, all’s good with the green, but there […]

Sarah Palin Supports The Donald's Crazy, Fake Birther Quest For President Of The United States Of Jesus

Since rich people obviously don’t have to pay taxes in this country we call America (that’s for poor people, silly!), the “haves” and “have-mores” among us must constantly come up with new and creative ways to squander their massive, undeserved fortunes, if only as a gentle reminder how much better, and more well off they […]

Like Everything Else About His Existence, Donald Trump's Birth Certificate Isn't Real Either

Obscenely rich, obscenely obnoxious, pretend presidential candidate Donald Trump is always looking for cool, exciting new gimmicks to help keep his fake presidential run in the news and fresh in people’s mind, right next to Charlie Sheen’s latest win (an eight ball?) and Chris Brown’s cock shots.

Like when the Donald decided to take some time […]

Teabagger Dude's Got 99 Problems, But A Brain Ain't One!

As you probably already know, the state of the nation can be accurately assessed by reading the fine print between the lines of America’s most trusted, new journalist, the old, rusted-out, 1970s Toyota camper parked outside a local Burger King.

And on this great, new canvas of freedom comes all the poetic brilliance and artful expression […]

War, What Is It Good For? Absolutely Everything!

Winning!

Since two protracted bloody wars weren’t quite enough for America™, the mighty red, white, and blue figured why the hell not launch a third awesome military (mis)adventure into hostile foreign territory to help save hundreds of thousands of suffering Libyans delicious barrels of oil, and uphold our nation’s commitment to restoring peace and stability back […]