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Dick Cheney Knows Barack Obama Caused 9/11 Because Of All The Warnings George W. Bush Ignored

Tuesday was the 11-year anniversary of Rudy Giuliani’s 9/11™ and America showed the world it WILL NEVER FORGET!

Except Dick Cheney, who already forgot he was Vice President when the 9/11 attacks happened, because in the 9/11 truth commission that is his mind, he knows George W. Bush kept America safe from terror always and forever, […]

Dick Cheney Speaks From The Heart, Now That He Finally Has One

Dick Cheney may finally have a heart, but you sure wouldn’t know it by listening to the man, the machine, the medical mutation known as former Vice President of Hell Dick Cheney.

He’s so excited about joining the rest of the human race in possessing an actual blood pumping organ made from muscle not […]

For Once Arkansas Schoolchildren Accomplish Something Besides Morbid Obesity & Lifelong Illiteracy

Much to the rest of the nation’s shock and dismay, school kids in the tiny backwater town of Russellville, Arkansas actually managed to learn something during their early years of sub-par public education, other than how to torture small animals and harass anyone whose skin isn’t perfectly milky white like Jesus intended.

It’s true!

The precocious li’l […]

Wanna One Day Become Awesome President Like George W. Bush, Too? Just Quit Boozin' & Stop Askin' Weird Sex Questions!

The heavy burden of being President of the world is brilliantly revealed in the pop-up children’s book, Crazy S**t I Did While Fightin’ For Freedom, also known as, Decision Points, George W. Bush’s new word-filled memoir reminding the nation how lucky we are that he dropped his little drinking habit to fulfill his destiny as […]

Dick Cheney Doesn't Need Some Stupid Pulse To Continue Living, You Mortal Fools!

Two-time vice-presidential dark lord of the underworld Dick Cheney may have finally used up his five death deferments. Tragic, but true!

Sadly, the beloved 69-year-old white-haired hero of Iraq/Waterboarding/Enron/Katrina, five-time heart attack survivor, and grandfather to all, Dick Cheney now has a “ventricular assist device” — or a dual-battery heart pump —implanted in his chest with […]

The Beat Goes On: The Still Pumping (Though Still Not Feeling) “Heart” Of Deadeye Dick

There may be ten (declassified?) ways America’s former Vice President of Doom Darth Vader Dick Cheney can kill you, and likely rip your-still beating heart right out of your chest, but oddly enough, there only seems to be one way to kill him, err at least try. But, much like his eight-year reign of hell, […]