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The Kids Are All Right, Just Not This Freaky 14-Year-Old Homophobic Radio Host From West Virginia

Kids these days! When not pouring liquor into their eyeballs or guzzling bottles of hand sanitizer while planking off a guard rail 50 stories in the air, they’re doing CRAZY things like, oh I don’t know, coming to terms with their own scary, confusing (anything-but-homo)sexuality.

Like 14-year-old West Virginian and Glenn Beck/Rush Limbaugh/Pope Pius […]

Turns Out Obama's Health Care Plan Does Include A Death Panel & It's Called The Supreme Court

While black teens in hoodies were being murdered for the terrible crime of WWBIGC (Walking While Black In Gated Communities), the nine Supremely irritating muumuus on the nation’s High Court were chomping at the bit for some reason, any reason, to do away with that no-good Obama and his awful, un-American desire to have a […]

Andrew Breitbart Shocks The World By Pulling His Biggest Stunt Yet: Dropping Dead

Right wing internet provocateur or as Alec Baldwin so eloquently put it, “festering boil on the anus of public discourse,” Andrew Breitbart, has died in Los Angeles at age 43 “of natural causes.”

Which for a conservative typically means asphyxiating on a ball-gag in full latex body suit while strapped to a wall in a dank, […]

House Republicans' New Bill Offers Variety Of Helpful Hints On Proper (Federally Funded!) Ways To Be Raped

Ah, Republicans. The kind of wonderful, caring, Constitution-loving individuals who know that when life hands you lemons, say, by getting incestuously raped and impregnated by your drunkard father, Jesus wants you to make lemon meringue pie in the form of Sharron Angle’s special, secret homemade recipe for coping with unspeakable tragedy (psst: it’s called insanity!).

But […]

New Study Proves What We All Suspected: It's Not A Person's Fault They're Conservative, It's Their Damaged Brain!

Bored sexless scientists in dreary old Londontowne, England have discovered what most of humanity has already long suspected: scientists are boring, socially awkward, sexually deprived dweebs with a bit too much time on their hands. Err, wait, we didn’t need a study to prove that.

What we did (apparently) need a study to prove, however, is […]

Is Kermit The Froggy To Blame For Some Crazy, Armed, Asian Nutjob Attacking Discovery Channel?

I’m sure by now you’ve heard about that crazy guy James Lee who was maybe strapped with a bomb, but most definitely armed with a gun when he stormed the Discovery Channel(!?) headquarters in Maryland and took three people hostage before being shot and killed by police, who rescued the baffled, frightened Discovery employees, suddenly […]