Congress « Democralypse Now – The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

It's His House & He'll Cry If He Wants To

Get your man pants on, people!

Weeping orange boner John Boehner apparently did not get the GOP memo about how real Republican men don’t start moaning and wailing like some skirt-wearing sissy queer, they buck the hell up, put on their manliest pair of testosterone-infused man pants (Brett Favre’s Wranglers?) and leave the leaky faucet estrogen […]

Deck The Halls With Greed & Sorrow, Santa Clause-Killing Repubs Are Coming To Town!

Forget the pesky equal-rights demanding gays or the gross poors, this time the ever-righteous, morally pure Grand Old Prophets of Divinity here on Earth have turned their seething, beautifully white hot, perfectly rational rage towards a much more cunning adversary: the Godless n’er-do-well Democrats.

Ugh, the nerve of those bastards trying to actually get critical legislation […]

This Is The Kind Of Change That Makes You Feel All Dirty & Democratic Inside

President Barack Obama took to the teevee to do what he does best, other than nailing mid range jump shots: nailing liberal Democrats and their terrible no-good liberal Democratic policies in order to defend his perfectly good reasoning for bending over striking a compromise with congressional Republicans to extend the Bush tax cuts for […]

Eric Cantor & GOP Productions Present The Official Freshmen Survival Guide Warning Dumb, New Republicans Not To Pull Usual Dumb, Old Tricks

Between hours of boring lectures on the floor by day and secret orgies with orange Boehners by night, Congress can be a very scary place!

Good thing the #2 ranked House Republican, but #1 most caring member, Rep. Eric Cantor of Virginia, is looking out for his fellow incoming Grand Old Party members still enjoying Freshman […]

New, Anti-ObamaCare Congressman Furious His Evil, Socialist Government-Funded Health Care Won't Start Immediately

Hi kids, it’s meet your crazy, newly-elected Republican congressman who’s already done something absolutely batshit insane on the first freakin day, time!

Wooohooo!

His name is Andy Harris and he is an anesthesiologist and brand spankin’ newly elected Republican from Maryland’s Eastern Shore (wherever the hell that is) who ran on oh, just your average repeal-socialist-health-care-reform-to-murder-grandma-and-baby-Trig platform.

BUT, […]

At Least There's One Thing We Can All Agree On: Getting Rid Of That Awful Joe Lieberman

Wah Wah…Is It The Ol’ Heave Ho For Traitor Joe?

Beloved pariah and internationally celebrated Traitor Joe Lieberman has always prided himself on a few special qualities: physics-defying, almost impossibly droopy jowls, hideously annoying whine of a voice, the unique ability to weasel between parties, working both sides of the aisle to do whatever is best […]

Yay! Republicans Heroically Vote To Keep Our Military Safe From Scary Ladies In Meat Dresses & Even Scarier Ga-Ga Gays!

OMG! Guess what little gay and lezzy monsters across America?? Your little “rights” struggles are over! Done, dunzo, finito, Ga-Ga-gonzo!

Oh, wait never mind, you’re all still totally screwed, despite Lady Gaga donning a hotttt meat dress, and p-p-p-poking her face all around Maine, trying to convince the last two “moderate” (aka not completely insane) Senator […]

Traitor Joe Lieberman Will Heroically Stand With Republicans To Fight For Rich People's Right Not To Pay Normal, Poor People Taxes

Permanent droopy faced Downercraticandipendent Sen. Joe Lieberman never met a terrible idea he didn’t love, or missed the chance to play spoiler and screw everyone over on some important issue or another. It’s his raison d’être!

When you’re the intentionally annoying, token backstabbing leper, unwelcome in either party, you do whatever you can to stay relevant, […]

John Boehner's Brain's Been So Fried From Barry's Star Power, He Doesn't Even Feel The Need To Try Anymore!

Oh look, 24 hours have passed since terrible Democrats voted in favor of financial reform, which means glowing orange House Minority Leader John Boehner should have endorsed some new, untenable policy in bad faith, umm, about twenty minutes ago at least!

And like the total boner he is, he did not disappoint. His brilliant idea, […]

Woohoo! Steve Forbes And Rich America Rejoice Over The Death Of Robert Byrd & Hopefully Finance Reform Too!

Malcolm Stevenson “Steve” Forbes, Jr, aka Steve Forbes, the snooty, silver-spoon fed son of inherited wealth and former Republican Presidential candidate no one remembers (pssst: he wasn’t that good!) is once again in the spotlight for being ummm, well, the petty, pampered heir of the famed Forbes publishing empire, and mouthpiece for all of Mega-Rich […]

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