Categories

Archives

Oy Vey! Since Weiner's Unkosher, Ultra-Orthodox Jews In New York Help Elect A Different Kind Of Prick: A Republican!

OMG, did you hear the news, America? The mind-blowing, earth-shattering, life-altering, universe-imploding news straight out of Anthony Weiner’s pants New York’s 9th about Barack Obama being un-elected, thanks to a special election to replace fallen Democratic cocktease, err congressman, and Twitterin’ fool, Anthony Weiner with someone a little less circumcised and a little more racist.

Hooray??

You […]

President Obama Agrees To Reduce Smog Regulations Because Clean Air Is Socialist (And Also Because Republicans Told Him So!)

So the inane, demented, “Are We Congressman or Kindergarteners” playground scuffle time slot slug fest between the White House and John Boehner’s office is now officially over, with Barack Obama giving up even faster than usual in some lame misguided attempt to placate his Grand Old enemies, who’d like nothing more than to ship him […]

Hooray! America's Downfall Is Officially Postponed As House Passes Awful Debt Deal Everyone Hates

Rejoice, my fellow Americans, the Debtpocalypsegeddon is almost over! America is back on top (of its flaming pile of unpaid bills, bounced checks, borrowed loans, crumpled receipts, IOUs, and angry post-it threats from China!) Woohoo! USA#1! USA#1! USA#1!

After weeks of alternately fucking with, psyching out, and pissing off President Obama by acting like a bunch […]

What Do You Call A Massive Boehner Who Laughs At The Total Collapse Of Our Economy? Speaker Of The House, Of Course!

It’s Monday in America, meaning it’s a brand new week for the very mature adults in Congress to flitter about like special needs schoolchildren, while our nation teeters towards the brink of catastrophic self-induced collapse.

Hooray!?

Of course, being the mature, weeping, unnaturally orange-tinted Republican House Speaker that he is, John Boehner has naturally decided to stop […]

Aaron Schock Bares His Chest To Show The World He Doesn't Need Hot Pink Shirts & Tight White Pants To Look Gay

You remember Aaron Schock don’t you? The fuchsia gingham shirt-wearing, straight-as-your-hairdresser Republican congressman from Illinois who simply adores voting against the rights of poors, gays, and all other dumb, pathetic schlubs who don’t spend endless hours breathing heavily next to other, sweaty, scantily-clad men all while working to perfect their very own ripped set of […]

Don't Worry America, Congress Will Still Get Paid During Government Shutdown Over Ladies & Their Lady Parts

Just in case you were concerned about how Michele Bachmann, John Boehner, John McCain, Joe Wilson, that Nelson nutjob from Nebraska, and all the rest of the lunatic wingnuts comprising America’s esteemed 112th Congress are going to survive the Great Government Shutdown of 2011, fear not my friends! They can still get paid, and probably […]

Another Day, Another Weeping Orange Boehner Wets Himself For No Reason

Democrats and Republicans might be on the verge of shutting down the big, bad gubmint (hooray?) due to some alleged financial dispute, but beloved members of both of our nation’s dumb political parties can at least still agree on one thing: even House Speaker John Boehner’s inappropriate, borderline hysterical booze tears won’t be enough […]

Peter King Hates Terrorism, Except When It Involves Irish People Who Love Jesus, Hate Britain, & Don't Mind Bombing Pubs Crowded With Civilians

It is no secret that Rep. Peter King of Xenophobia is no fan of that other royally-named King of Pop Michael Jackson and his perverted white gloved gyrations all over the place, thrusting his crotch every which way, titillating innocent women and children like some sicko sexual terrorist with even sicker dance moves.

But even more […]

Runaway Wisconsin Dems On The Lam In Illinois To Escape Crazy Gov. Scott Walker's Big, Bad, Bust-Up Unions Bill

Screw the Middle East, bro, have you seen the crazy shit that’s goin’ down in the Middle West?

All 14 of Wisconsin’s Democratic Senators have fled the state (9-month long winters and this is what it took?) to prevent union-busting, budget-crazed Republicans from voting stripping public employees of their longstanding collective bargaining rights, and basically transforming […]

No One Asked But McCain's Still Telling...He's A Bitter Old Man Who Hates The Gays Almost As Much As NObama & His Own Pathetic, Miserable Life

Rejoice America because John McCain’s deranged, one-man stinky rotten loser, raging bull destroy-Obama crusade to keep awful gay and lesbian soldiers from admitting they’re in fact awful gay and lesbian soldiers is now as dead as the old man’s last remaining neurons and synapses.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of the usually insufferable but occasionally decent, […]