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Beat It Boehner! Michelle Obama's Eyes Have No Time For Idiot Orange Men Or Their Drunken Jokes

Umm, Why Is Boehner’s Wife Snatching & Stuffing Swag Into Her Purse?

If looks could kill John Boehner would be deader than his poor, booze-soaked liver.

But what in the Inaugural Ball prompted America’s always-lovely-and-poised First Lady Michelle Obama to roll her big, sexy eyes at ol’ House Speaker John Boehner like some petulant teenager […]

DEMOCRALYPSE 2012: DID OBAMA WIN THE ELECTION?? YES HE DID!

OMG, IT”S HERE!

The day we’ve all been waiting for, if only to never have to hear the words Mitt Romney or bayonets or “binders full of women” ever again. But mostly Mitt Romney.

ELECTION DAY!

So, alas, America, who will it be??

Will Mitt Romney win the hearts and minds of America by convincing them he […]

President Obama Diagnoses Mitt Romney With "Romnesia," The Mysterious Disease That Causes Him To Forget His Own Positions

Dr. Barack H. Obama, MD has seen the symptoms – the backtracking & sidestepping, the flipping & flopping, the waffling and wavering – and is ready to diagnose rival Mitt Romney with what’s been ailing him.

Looks like Mr. “Severely Conservative” has a severe case of Romnesia, a condition he’s been suffering from all […]

The Lies That Bind: Mitt Romney Loves Women So Much He Has Binders Full Of Them

U Mad Bro?

Oh Mittens! Fresh off schooling President NOBAMA in the first debate through his devastating combo of shrieking, lying, and threatening to murder Big Bird, Mitt Romney was once again locked, loaded (I don’t mean $$$), and ready to Bain Capital the shit out of Barack Obama.

Are you ready to rumble, America?

Good […]

Bye Bye Birdie: Fightin' Mitt Romney Brings His Knack For Firing People To Prime Time!

Well hellooooo America! In case you missed Wednesday night’s 90-minute tragicomedy, fear not my friend, because the Internets have got you covered!

And the winner is…you, America! For having the privilege of witnessing Jim Lehrer get emasculated by Mitt Romney, who will tell him when he’s done speaking, GOD DAMN IT!

“NO, I AM NOT DONE, JIM. […]

The Onion Becomes Reality: Photos From The Campaign Trail

Don’t Worry Baby, Uncle Joe’s 100% Behind You!

Via the AP: A lady biker sits on Biden’s lap today at Cruisers Diner in Seaman, Ohio.

Which wouldn’t be the first time something weird happened involving Seaman.

Not to be outdone by Joe’s impressive bicycle biker mount, President Obama got a huge lift himself. Literally.

Here’s Big Apple […]

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, Except If You're Republican & Your Boyfriend Is A Cardboard Cutout Of Barack Obama

It is no secret that Republicans loooove to carry on fake conversations with inanimate objects pretending to be their #1 enemy Barack Hussein Obama. For one thing, they never talk back or flash a charming smile or even so much as a single cogent thought from their non-existent heads. Just the way Republicans […]

It's All About The O: Michelle Obama Wins Election For Barack, Twitter For Herself

Oooooh yeah, that’s my girl. Look how sexy she looks in her hot rhubarb dress, talking ’bout how naturally awesome I am at this whole presidentin’ thing, letting all the ladies know why there’s only one man with the (basket)balls big enough to fill her the Oval Office, and give America what it really needs […]

Mitt Romney Demands Barack Obama Immediately Suspend His Campaign Because America Deserves Better Than The Truth

OMG, people, did you hear the news? The terrible, no-good, Earth-shattering, game-changing news about Joe Biden saying the word “chains,” which is taboo because it is racist against Mitt Romney and also “divisive” “disgusting” and “not uplifitng,” three things Republicans know absolutely nothing about. Nothing!

Well, well Mittens isn’t going to take this insubordination sitting down. […]

Mitt Romney Is Too Busy Horsing Around To Bother With The Whole "Tax Return" Thing

Poor, misunderstood, possibly criminal Mittens! He and his dancing horse have hit a bit of a rough patch, and all the hoof-clicking and fancy four-legged prancing in the world (of horse ballet) may not be enough to keep this Mormon Stallion perched comfortably atop his High Horse.

Because, you see, Willard “Mitt” Romney may […]