Congratulations America! All your hard work, tireless efforts, and Cindy McCain’s beer money have finally paid off because John McCain, THE John McCain, has officially defeated certified nutjob and
world-famous infomercial star J.D. Hayworth to win Arizona’s Senate seat and return once again to Washington, DC to give the nation another six years (at least!) of [...]
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“America, Arizona we’re all struggling. I can’t think of a time in my life when we had bigger or more vital issues at stake than today.” In fact, Gramps over here can’t remember very much of anything these days! Ehhh, where was I? Ah, yes… “The rebuilding of our economy, the security of our nation, our border, [...] The world’s dopiest illegal stasher of $7 million secret RNC debt, Chairman Michael Steele (who else, yo?) and most deviant duper of liberals and black racists in the White House and NAACP, right-wing media monster mogul Andrew Breitbart are joining forces to create the biggest, most bad-ass fund-raising juggernaut the Republicans, no, make that the [...] To most average Americans, or at least those of us still blessed with a full set of teeth and the ability to formulate a single coherent English sentence without the words “sp*cs” or “n*ggers,” Arizona’s awesome, new ¡Adiós Amigos! law stemming the tide of gross border jumping beans streaming into the good ol’ US of [...] Oh goody, America! Just when you thought Arizona couldn’t get any more creepily racist and crazy, the Union’s original black sheep goes and does something not totally gut-wrenching and horrible, dare we say even slightly normal, and we once again find ourselves confused as to the true identity of America’s favorite wayward state of Mexi huntin’ [...] Over the weekend, obese, greasy-haired, middle-aged white men, Ben Franklin-dressed human bags o’ caffeinated herbs ‘n spice, and assorted other ‘Jesus Saves’ t-shirt wearing, toothless patriots of freedom descended on glorious Aryanzona to show support for the state’s new Nazi immigration law, SB-1070, prohibiting brown people from sullying their beautiful parched landscape, by even so [...] America’s fiercest blonde-haired fighter of scary Mexicans, Aryanzona governor Jan Brewer just can’t stop shrieking about all the wonderful reasons to round up the state’s brown people and kill them ship ‘em back to Mexicanland or wherever the hell it is these dark, menacing “things” come from. But you know what hurts sweet Jan even more [...] Fearless defender of a pure white America free from gross brown people, and a woman’s right to cede control of her own reproductive organs to the evil, federal government, $arah Palin is on a one-woman mission from God. A divinely-inspired mission which includes a variety of personal incentives for the ‘Cuda, like seven-figure paydays, several doctored [...] After losing whatever semblance of a sane mind still remained in the ol’ tank, due to a powerful combination of both the scorching desert heat and a horseback riding nutjob gunning for the old man’s senate seat, John McCain suddenly realized there’s really nowhere farther to fall once you’ve reached rock bottom. Which can be so [...] |
 Democralypse Now is an equal-opportunity satirist exposing stupidity in government and politics, one hilariously scathing post at a time. Like Stephen Colbert, only hotter.       
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