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GOP Senate Hopeful Todd Akin's So Busy Learning About "Legitimate" Vs. "Illegitimate" Rape, He Forgot To Learn To Be A Legitimate Candidate

Missouri Congressman, GOP Senate candidate, and living proof of the theory of devolution, Todd Akin knows a few things about the female anatomy, particularly when it comes to the magical powers of women’s reproductive systems, which if you didn’t know, are able to transform into vaginal panic rooms in case of emergencies, like rape.

Because while you […]

Louisiana Rep. John Fleming Shocked To Learn Onion's "Abortionplex" Story Is Fake; Rest Of Nation Shocked That Someone From Louisiana Can Actually Read

Wingnut Republican Representative from Louisiana John Fleming was soooooo busy bitching about feeding his apparently very hungry family on his slave wage of $6.3 million a year that he completely missed the not exactly subtle point that The Onion is a satirical publication, meaning it is a joke, not real, is fake, and is meant […]

South Dakota Hopes To Increase Tourism By Legalizing Abortion (Doctor Murder)

While the big, bad gubmint pokes its no-good, grubby paws all over good, decent, hardworking American’s constitutional right to get fleeced by insurance companies while battling cancer, freedom ‘n Jesus-loving legislators in America’s heartland are working overtime to make sure their citizens are protected from the Socialist threat of Uncle Sam, and finding their own […]

House Republicans' New Bill Offers Variety Of Helpful Hints On Proper (Federally Funded!) Ways To Be Raped

Ah, Republicans. The kind of wonderful, caring, Constitution-loving individuals who know that when life hands you lemons, say, by getting incestuously raped and impregnated by your drunkard father, Jesus wants you to make lemon meringue pie in the form of Sharron Angle’s special, secret homemade recipe for coping with unspeakable tragedy (psst: it’s called insanity!).

But […]

$arah Palin's Bringin' Sexy Back To Women By Takin' Sexytime Rights Away From 'Em!

Fearless defender of a pure white America free from gross brown people, and a woman’s right to cede control of her own reproductive organs to the evil, federal government, $arah Palin is on a one-woman mission from God.

A divinely-inspired mission which includes a variety of personal incentives for the ‘Cuda, like seven-figure paydays, several doctored […]

Bristol Palin’s Very Important Public Service Announcement Warning Poor People To Pause Before Having Abortions

Hey America, it’s me, Bristol coming to you live (and most certainly edited) to give you, the public, a very important public service announcement about what happens when you, the bored daughter of Alaskan royalty, decide to get drunk and make maverick (aka no jimmy hat) sexytime with hotty boy toy Levi Johnston in the […]

The Dirty Dozen: Bart Stupak’s Life-Loving Dreams Murdered By Life-Hating Democrats

Democratic hell Representative and fearless defender of unborn fetuses in fertile wombs across America, Rep. Bart Stupak (D-Mich.) is suddenly feeling even smaller than the li’l bundles of prenatal joy he tries his very hardest to protect.

After playing a starring role in aborting the Democrats’ health care bill over federal funding of the societal cancer […]

Harold Ford Jr., and Michael Steele Break Out The Big Guns Down in Little Rock

OMG, did you hear the news? The once-in-a-century reason to visit Arkansas (not flee in a panic) has finally arrived. And then, like a ghost in the night, it was gone. Poof!

In case you missed THE political death match for the ages–Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele squaring off against former Tennessee Rep. and current […]

Republicans Keeping It Classy Per Usual

Oh, nothing unusual. Just your average Republican Rep. from Kansas (where else?) Todd Tiahrt ranting against Obama’s health care plan with the airtight argument that if health care covered abortions, Obama’s mom might have aborted him.

Luckily, Todd understands what Obama and the rest of those socialist Democrats don’t–that low-income mothers of African-Americans, like President Barack […]

Following Abortion Ban, Sales Of Hangers Surge In North Dakota

Why Should South Dakota Have All The Fun?

North Dakota, the shining star of progress and enlightenment in America, just passed a law effectively banning abortion in the state.

In a 51-41 vote on Wednesday, North Dakota’s House of Representatives passed a bill that gives a fertilized egg all the same rights as a person, meaning a […]