Unlike that delicate, sensitive Mississippi flower Haley Barbour or creationist and cream puff-loving minister of cheeseburgers Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin has got what it takes (a low IQ?) to run for president of the United States of Jesus. For one thing, she is more than prepared for the many challenges that lie ahead, not to mention, has tons of experience coming in second place. In fact, it’s the one thing she excels at!
But most importantly, Sarah Louise Palin has that proverbial fire in her belly, meaning there is either some sort of glowing ember of heat burning inside her, desperately making her want to run for president, or First Dude Todd deposited another precious li’l bun in her oven.
“I am so adamantly supportive of the good, traditional things about America. … I want to make sure America is put back on the right track and we will do that by defeating Obama in 2012. I have that fire in my belly,” Sarah Palin told Greta van Susteren.
The former vice presidential nominee said one hurdle is “understanding the huge amount of scrutiny and the sacrifices that have to be made on my children’s part in order to see their mama run for President.”
Like no more unprotected sexytime in the back of Papa’s pickup, got it Bristy? Same goes for you Piper!
But it’s not just the pesky kids who are getting in the way of SarBear’s White House dreams. It’s all the haters in the lamestream media always tryin’ to bait her and her family by askin’ tough, non-yes-or-no-questions, reportin’ on Bristol jivin’ in a gorilla costume on national teevee, and all the other “little, petty, stupid things” they’re always doin.
This makes Mama Grizzly very angry! And as evidenced in the video, tweakier than a methhead in her hometown Wasilla.
“I think its sick, I think its ridiculous. It’s such a waste of time, time is our most precious resource. I’m tired of wasting it.”
Unlike, say, the dime-a-dozen barrels of petroleum fun begging desperately to be freed from their frozen underground cages by some patriot with the skills and sense to wanna drill, baby drill (and spill, baby spill!) all over the Earth’s crust.
Because, even though Mama Grizz wants nothing more than to run for president of the Lower 48, and stick it to all the haters, she has trouble “not taking the bait” from the terrible, awful, no-good, meany liberal lamestream media she’s always ranting about for making her and her ever-growing brood rich and famous, with as many moose piles of money as their frozen hearts desire.
Of course, it’s easy for a nobody like Greta Van Susteren to simply say, “then don’t take the bait” when it’s not her litter of terrible kids getting knocked up in high school, crusading for abstinence via poorly made after school special-like infomercials, joining the Army to avoid jail time for vandalizing a school bus, or getting chin jobs for medical reasons, not because their God-given face wasn’t up to snuff.
Good thing, Sarah and her white hot belly-fire are prepared for that kind of thing.
“I feel like I have a prayer shield in front of me that deflects a lot of that ,” Palin said. “I just want to make sure that for my loved ones, for my parents, for my spouse and my children and those close to me that they have that tool to deflect also so that they’re not adversely affected, so that they can come along on the ride.”
It’s called a semiautomatic machine gun with an extra magazine clip for good measure.
Now all of America can feel the burning in their belly, too. Except theirs will be the kind that comes as a result of having Sarah Palin as leader of the free world.
Sarah Palin/Pepto Bismol 2012!!