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Sarah Palin Ditches Facebook to Become True 21st Century Fox

If ya can’t beat em, join ’em


Sarah Palin, who decided to up and leave her cozy, bear skin seat in Alaska’s Governor’s Mansion in order to bash the evil media 24/7 on Facebook, has now opted to throw in the towel on the social networking scene to join the dark side (along with the rest of her fellow washed-up wingnuts) as the latest contributor to the downfall of broadcast journalism as Fox News’ brilliant, hot, new television pundit.

But, don’t worry America, she’s not selling out or anything because everyone knows Fox News isn’t really news anyway. Oh, you betcha!

Now, America’s most precious Alaskan import will be able to wail and moan about Obama’s evil death panels (to murder Grandma and baby Trig) and the meanies from the McCain campaign who had the audacity to tell her to open a book before humiliating herself and the party in live debates on national television at the nation’s top-rated cable news channel instead of through her very important Facebook page. Yay!

In a press release announcing the deal (Sarah doesn’t do the whole “live” thing), Palin said she is is over-the-moon about the opportunity to be a contributor at Fox News.

“I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It’s wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news.”

Not to mention, a place that doesn’t require the pesky liberal concoction known as facts.

Palin will appear as a commentator on various Fox shows and will also host an occasional program examining inspirational tales involving ordinary American citizens called “Real American Stories.

Ooooh, a real American story!! Since the Palins are the epitome of a normal American family, ya know, complete with a dysfunctional, loveless marriage, an unwanted teen pregnancy, a baby daddy pursuing his porn career posing in Playgirl, a snowmobiling secessionist father who calls himself First Dude, a rogue mother who is God’s personal messenger on Earth, can see Russia from her front porch but isn’t sure what the hell Africa is besides the name of the chart-topping single by 80s rockband Toto.

Unlike the rest of the anti-American socialist families out there whose kids actually go to college after high-school and aren’t well-versed on all the delicious ways you can serve the freshly-skinned moose you just shot and gutted right outside your front door.

Weirdos.

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