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Rush Confuses Being The Size Of A Volcano With Being An Actual Expert On Said Volcanoes

Vile, hate-spewing king of blubber and blabber, Rush Hudson Limbaugh III, took to his favorite airwaves to seek some desperately needed attention, and also to remind the good (white) people of America that he is in fact, still living in this great land despite vowing to flee once Obama’s evil plan to help those poor schlubs without effeminate, multimillion dollar palaces have access to affordable, quality health care, passed into law.

So thank you Rush, for at the very least, teaching us all the valuable lesson that life is full of disappointment, but if one wishes to reduce these disheartening blows, and avoid the more bitter aspects of human existence, they would be well advised not to believe a single word that comes rushing out of his gluttonous, overworked mouth.

Of course, considering the poetic brilliance that typically flows from his massive lips whenever some terrible event occurs (like America electing its first black president or passing health insurance that doesn’t just ensure the health of the pharmaceutical companies), not to mention his sizable girth, ignoring the messenger isn’t always easy.

Like just yesterday, when El Rushbo grabbed his bestest friend, Mike R. Phone, hit the on switch and began rambling on about how the volcanic eruption in Iceland was “God speaking” in response to the passage of health care in America, because apparently God can’t tell the difference between frozen European tundra and frozen American tundra.

(Hint: If you see Sarah Palin shootin’ at endangered wolves from the sky, it’s our Arctic playground; the one where Bjork is wearing something that looks like whatever Sarah just shot and field-dressed, while skipping around yodeling about how it’s “oh so quiet,” it’s theirs).

Anyway, so Rush is pretty sure that the passage of health care here is the reason why a glacial volcano went kablooey over there, because why wouldn’t God reveal his Divine plans to an overweight, college-dropout with a drug problem?

RUSH: You know, a couple of days after the health care bill had been signed into law Obama ran around all over the country saying, “Hey, you know, I’m looking around. The earth hadn’t opened up. There’s no Armageddon out there. The birds are still chirping.” I think the earth has opened up. God may have replied. This volcano in Iceland has grounded more airplanes — airspace has more affected — than even after 9/11 because of this plume, because of this ash cloud over Northern and Western Europe. At the Paris airport they’re telling people to head to the train station to catch trains out of France, and when people get to the train station they’re telling people, “There aren’t any seats until at least April 22nd,” basically a week from now. It’s got everybody in a shutdown. Earth has opened up. I don’t know whether it’s a rebirth or Armageddon. Hopefully it’s a rebirth, God speaking.

Hopefully, the kind that feasts on lying, ill-informed, obese hate mongers (with delusions of divinity), swallowing them up in its apocalyptic fury and wrathful vengeance en route to a brave new world, God speaking, of course.

So there you have it folks.

God decided to punish Americans for passing health care reform (to help poor people not die) by causing an Icelandic volcano to erupt and wreak havoc on European air travel.

Either God’s aim is as pathetic as one of Sarah Palin’s famous speeches-from-the-hand, or apparently, the All-Knowing, All-Powerful Creator of Heaven and Earth got into Rush’s pill stash again.

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